Sunday, August 02, 2009

The Tale of Squimo

So I'm a turtle. A Kemp's Ridley Turtle to be exact and I'm about...oh 5 months old now, give or take. I look a little something like this

and let me tell ya, life SUCKS right now. It all started the day I was born. I woke up one morning with my head crunched up somewhere near my butt and I thought to myself, "this freakin ping pong ball is totally crampin my style." A turtle's gotta move dude. My bros and sistas were getting the same vibes I was. So there we were, all squirming and fighting and finally, I busted outa that crib and then I was like, "what's up with all the sand?" And someone else was like, "where the heck is mom?" And someone else was like, "What are we supposed to do next?" So then I was like, "well all the noise is coming from up so...dig up?" So then we all start digging and we're making some progress right, so then we're all getting excited cause we're thinking mom is gonna be waiting for us when we finally dig ourselves out but THENNN, I make it out and there's this huge freakin ball of super hot super bright light and I'm like, "OH MAH GAWD! I'M BLINDED!" And mom's no where to be found, and the stinkin sand is burning my flips off, and then I see it! The big blue wet, and somethin just clicks and I'm like, "That's what I'm talkin about!" And so we were all like yep, that's where we gotta go, so we all start runnin right, which by the way is mega hard for us little turts. So anyways, we're like half way there right, and outa no where this big crazy white thing falls outa the sky right next to me so I freeze...and I slowly turn my head to look at it...and it looks at me with these black beady eyes, down it's giant sharp looking mouth and goes, "MINE!?" And I go, "BWAAAAAAAHHHH! RUUUUNNNN!!! And we're all runnin, and these giant white things are snappin at us yelling "MINE!? MINE!?" And I'm huffin and heaving! It was pure chaos man! But then I made it to the wet and I'm like, "ahhhhhhh, that's muuuch better." And don't ask me how but somehow I know how to swim and I'm quick too. So I'm swimmin, and the waves are rollin, and life is good. So for like the next few months I'm just doin mah thang, eatin some seaweed, chillin with what's left of my family, and you know, it's kinda scary cause I'm all small and there's like these big shiny monsters that swim by and eat a cousin or a sister every now and then but I'm fast and I'm good at hiding so it's cool and life is pretty legit. Then, one day, I'm swimmin along, goin with the flow and I see this tasty lookin morsel crawling along the sand about, I dunno 10, maybe 12 fins below me, so I look around and the coast is clear so I start workin my way down. I snap up the little booger and I'm takin my time, savoring my little mid afternoon snack when suddenly it get's all dark all of the sudden, and I'll be honest I think I peed a little, cause I turned around and all I see is teeth, HUGE, WHITE, TEETH! So then I was like, "BWAAAAAAHHHH! I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna diehihie, wahhhhhh!" And I'm like a freakin windmill, and then BAM! SUCH PAIN!...Then I passed out I guess cause next thing I remember was waking up in a huge pile of seaweed on the flippin hot sand again. And I was like, "This...seriously...blows..." Did a quick damage check and I was like, "This...blows...big fat baby chunks!" The teeth took a front flip and a few toes dudes. Super, SUPER lame. So there I was mourning my flip and just basically drained from my wipeout, not to mention a little messed up in the noggin from like almost dying, and then the craziest thing happened. This HUGE and I'm talkin HUUUUUUGE, crazy lookin turtle walks up to me, WITHOUT A SHELL!!! BUCK FREAKIN NAKED DUDES! And he must be albino or somethin cause he's super white, and I'm freakin out cause he's lookin at me like he's gonna finish me off, and I can't do anything cause I'm super tired and Don't wanna make any sudden movements that might put him into kill mode ya know? Then, he runs over to this other group of huge naked albino turtles, only some of them are a lot smaller than the others and they're like making homes that are way to small for them with the sand and the first huge naked albino says somethin to them and they all come runnin over to me and I am seriously freakin out. Then he sticks me in this bucket with some seaweed to make me taste better or something and then things got really weired cause he carries me to his shell I guess but it's WAY to big for him, so big in fact that 2 other huge naked albinos get in with us and then we start moving, but we're like not in the wet at all! Anyways, long story short, he takes me out of his shell like 15 minutes later and hands me off to this other huge, naked, albino turtle that puts me in HIS huge land shell, and then he takes me out and puts me in this room and he's pokin me and proding me and I'm all traumatized but there's nothin I can do about it and THEN he puts me back in the wet! And I'm like sweeeeeeet! I mean, it's a much smaller wet than I'm used to but it's still pretty nice and there's a few other turts in here that have lost some flips just like me! Anyways, I've been here for like a month now and I gotta tell ya, I'm not sure I wanna leave. No monsters, steady food supply, and I've made a few friends here so things have definitely turned out real good, and it's all thanks to that huge, naked, albino dude that saved me. If any of you know who I'm talkin about, let him know I appriciate it k? Though, maybe leave out the huge, naked, albino part. Oh ya, so I've been learning this Eenglish language that all the huge, naked, albino turtles speak and I got to thinkin about that day I washed up on the beach. The two little huge, naked albino turtles that were making homes outa sand, ya they weren't gonna eat me cause apparently they thought I was super cute and they said I looked like the turtle named Squirt from finding Nemo whatever that means, but that I had a bad flip like Nemo so they decided to name me Squimo, so that's what the huge, naked albino that put me in my new home calls me. I kinda like it! Ok, got some squid to eat. See ya later dudes!

So this isn't the exact one I rescued but same type, only Squimo is a little darker and missing his front left flipper and a few toes off the back left one. He's one lucky turtle and is quite happy at the UT research center in Port A.


Peter and Leslie said...

Yay Kyle! You saved baby Squimo! That's tubular!

Kimberlina!! said...