My scuba experience (by Vanessa)

about to go down

My first thoughts about our entrance into the scuba world was worry that Kyle would have ear problems again. He has had ear issues not only snorkeling but in at least one airplane ride when he felt he had busted his ear drum, the pain was so overpowering and intense. As for me, I wasn't too worried. I had always kinda thought that I might have the opposite fear of claustrophobia, but the fear of wide open spaces such as space or the ocean, where the space seemingly never ended. But I wasn't actually worried, just excited.

The initial foreboding doggy-paddled it's way into my subconscious as we watched the informational video required for the introduction dive. "Sudden lung expansion, ear drum bursting and drowning can occur during scuba diving." "Deep breaths" I told myself. "Plenty of people scuba dive and don't kill themselves. You can too. Nothing is going to happen."

My motivational speech going on within my head seemed to calm my nerves. Kyle was the star pupil in our sessions. I fumbled through some practices such as the removing water from our masks and replacing the oxygen hose if it were to fall out of my mouth. Kyle shined. I glared.

Nerves mounted as we rode on our boat out to our location. Butterflies, frogs, what-have-you hopped, fluttered and jousted in my stomach as we slowed over our dive point.

Mask defogged and fitted- check
weightbelt on- check
huge, bulky oxygen tank secured- check
insanity- check

They instructed us to fall backwards into the water. Insanity- yep. This method is easier than climbing down a ladder, but like Kyle said, "heavy=sink and sink=drowning." Falling backwards wasn't too bad, but once I landed, my flippered feet flailed helpless around in the air as I mimicked a flipped over junebug getting off it's back, or at least vertical in the water. It was probably a laughable affair. Good thing Kyle was on the other side of the boat so he couldn't laugh at my silliness.

Next step... going down.
"Put your face in the water" we were told, as our buoyancy vests were deflated so that we would sink slowly to the ocean floor.
"Here we go!" I thought anxiously.
We were led down on an old rope that looked like it had been pulled from a shipwreck, it had so much algae covering it. Surprisingly however, the moss gave it a soft, smooth feel that I actually enjoyed our descent. Our speed was slower than turtle speed, probably sloth speed so that we could properly equalize our eardrums every meter.
No problems there.
The problems began once we hit the ocean floor and I looked up. It was kind of like how people at tall heights say not to look down, but instead this time, I probably shouldn't have looked up. We weren't actually very far from the surface, 12 meters or 30 ft, but my immediate thought was, "If something were to happen, I couldn't just rush to the surface without expanding and thus destroying my lungs." And suddenly, I couldn't remember how to breath. Breathing through a tank is like having a cold and loosing complete access to your nostrils. It is uncomfortable and takes some getting used to. My breaths became shallow and unfulfilled. My heart pounded uncontrollably in my chest. I felt out of control, uncomfortable and completely out of my element. I wasn't a fish, what was I trying to do, breath underwater?

I didn't want to be a nuisance but we had learned the sign for pounding heart. When he was teaching us the scuba sign language, I laughed at the heart beating sign in class, thinking why would someone really use that? And of course that was the first sign I used once under water. My instructor was wonderful. Really wonderful. He rushed to me, pressed some type of valve, I don't really know what he was doing, but it allowed me to take my first deep breath since the panic attack began. Breathing deeply helped. It's amazing what a little oxygen can do for someones nerves. Immediately my heart took a chillax pill and drummed to a more even tempered tune. Oxygen rushed through my body and I sighed relief. Kyle took my hand as soon as Peter, our instructor made sure I was better, and didn't let go of it the entire rest of the time we were under water. And that hand, I am pretty positive is what got me through the remainder of our time underwater.

The panic attack, although quickly alleviated, threw my whole attitude off kilter and set the mood for the rest of our swim down under. Nerves, all though significantly more calm than at the beginning never really stopped squirming. My wetsuit which was cut at the sleeves and legs to be less oppressive didn't fit perfectly and although the water was truly the perfect temperature for swimming, my body temperature continued to drop, until my lips had had adopted a blue lipstick fashion and I began shivering. For someone with my size and frame, spending thirty minutes underwater of any temperature, unless it's in a Jacuzzi, needs a warmer wetsuit.

Our first plan of action, besides intercepting a panic attack was to feed fish. They like stale bread it turns out. Who would have thought that fish of all sizes and shapes would herd like begging pups. I swear if they had the ability to make facial expressions, they would have given the sad puppy dog eyes. We didn't need to reach out and touch them, they brushed every part of our body crowding the food. It was amazing being surrounded by so many fish. Surreal really.

feeding the fishies

We were then pushed by our instructor, as we hadn't been taught the proper procedures for swimming with tanks, through reefs and other underwater cathedrals to view other life forms. We didn't see anything too spectacular and what I mean by spectacular is relative. I am referring to creatures such as whales, dolphins, manta-rays, sharks, mermaids etc. What we saw was breathtakingly stunning and magical in it's own right and perfect for beginners such as ourselves, but wasn't anything too out of the ordinary in ocean terms. I had a hard time appreciating it however as all I kept thinking was, "Is this almost over? We're going close to the boat. Why are we passing the boat? We aren't finished yet? When can I breath like humans were intended?"

Before we re-surfaced we posed for a photo-shoot. We took some pictures looking at the camera and then they told us to kiss. "KISS!" I thought horrified, "I have to take out my mouth piece and put it back in!" This was one of the first skills we had learned, but I didn't like it. I was scared. I didn't want to kiss Kyle. I didn't care about a stupid photo. (probably the first time I have ever said that) but of course you can't speak under water, they counted, I did as they said and kissed my husband unwillingly.Another kiss

Once we finally surfaced, I was beyond thrilled to be above again, but Kyle was asking "When can we go down again?"

He did go down the next day, while I sat out. My stomach was upset from something I ate the night before. I took pictures from the boat.

The warmer wetsuit I wore on the second dive

The next time we went down together, I was much more comfortable, smiling even. My wetsuit fit, I wasn't shivering, and I was figuring out to take deep controlled breaths. I continued to struggle with controlling my body. If someone wasn't holding me up, I just fell to the floor like a toddler first learning to walk. It is a skill you learn with time, but probably small people are more prone to currents than the larger people. And I found holding the mouth piece in my mouth tiring, but at the end of it, I was thrilled that I got back on the wagon.


One last interesting note on scuba diving before I bore you to death is everything is magnified underwater. We came across some other divers, and my first reaction was fear. They literally were like gigantic monsters. Their distorted dimensions were completely thrown off by the water giving the illusion of a truly massive creature. No wonder we are frightening to other animals.

We didn't get certified, but plan on doing that some time in the near future. Marine life, here we come.

Another type of star fish

Scuba Rocks! by Kyle

I LOVE the ocean. I love the color of the water, the feel of sand under my feet, I love the incredible organisms that live in it and the sheer vastness of the deep blue but from the get go, I was apprehensive about scuba diving. I am definitely an adventurous person but when it comes to "thrill seeking" activities, I'm a bit of a wuss. I wouldn't call Scuba diving a thrilling activity Per Se but there is a certain level of risk involved and for the inexperienced, it can certainly be dangerous. Knowing this, Vanessa and I decided that our trip to the Philippines was a perfect time to "test the waters" and see if we took to being Under the Sea.

Our hotel in Boracay, the Blue Mango Inn has a dive shop owned and operated by the sons of the owner and they give some of the best rates on the beach. Couple that with a very knowledgeable and super friendly staff and you've got a fantastic place to not only get your first dive in but your 10th, 50th and so on. We were both very glad to have a staff we could understand well and liked.

Dante was our first instructor. After watching the mandatory "Discover Diving" PADI video, Dante talked us through each part of our Scuba gear describing in detail what it does and how to use it. He even explained the parts that beginners don't really need to know about, just to give us a bit more peace of mind. I really appreciated that. Once he had quizzed us on what the parts do and how to use them, it was into the water we went!

We started off in very shallow water, just about chest height so we could get familiar with actually using the equipment. This gave me a bit of a false sense of security. It's one thing to be a foot below the water, knowing that if anything were to go wrong you can just stand up and breath. It's a totally different thing to be 40 feet below and have that fear of not being able to get to the surface to get the air you need. To be honest, it hadn't even crossed my mind at that point. I was too busy thinking about how cool it was going to be swimming around the amazing reefs not having to worry about resurfacing. The only thing I was honestly feeling timid about was my ears. For my senior year of highschool my parents paid for me to do a cruise with a bunch of my friends to Cozumel. While snorkeling, I made the mistake of diving down a bit too deep without equalizing my ear pressure and busted an eardrum. Hands down one of the most painful and scary experiences of my life. Needless to say, I've been a bit apprehensive about going too deep underwater since then. However, Dante showed us several different ways to equalize and insisted that as we went down the dive line, if we couldn't feel that release, we should go up a bit and try again. This helped me feel quite a bit more confident and as we got on the boat, my nerves were in far less of a mess than normal. We had a few other newbies going down with us that day and 3 instructors that would be diving with us. Our guide for the first actual dive was Peter, a very short, dark and cool as a cucumber Philippino who we both liked alot from the get go. He was very friendly, very helpful and very, very patient. As we reached our sight, the butterflies started fluttering and as we geared up I kept thinking to myself, "you know what to do. Ain't nothin to it but to do it!" Now I've seen the "roll out" scuba entry a thousand times on TV, but nothing quite prepares you for that first free fall plunge. First of all, it's only maybe 6 feet from the edge of the boat to the water but from where you sit it looks like 20. Second of all, you've got a 10 pound weight belt on, a 30 pound Scuba tank and a general knowledge of physics that tells you heavy things sink fast in water. I'd say it's quite logical to want to poop your pants a little. But as all Scuba divers will tell you, weight doesn't count nearly as much in water as buoyancy. And a functioning flotation vest is really all you need to keep your head above water no matter how weighed down you are. So I made sure Van went first in case I wet my pants and then sucked it up, squeezed the butt cheeks and "rolled out."

Once I hit the water, a mild wave of panic passed for just a split second and then up I bobbed to the surface without any effort. A few flip of the fins and I was holding on to the slimy yet soft dive line, ready to start our decent.

Down we went, one meter at a time, pinching our noses and popping our ears. At first, I couldn't get them to go for the life of me. Then I tried one of the other techniques they showed us, kept pushing air into my closed nose and eventually, Viola! So further and further down we went till finally we were on the sea floor. My first thought was "huh, it's warmer down here than I thought it would be. Then I looked at Van and realized she was having a bit of a hard time. I held her hand while Peter got her focused and helped her breath. I really have no idea why I took to it so well so quickly. I guess for me, knowing that there were plenty of other airtanks around gave me enough confidence that I could get air if I needed it to feel comfortable. There is certainly a level of trust in the equipment needed to know that it works and you don't need to be at the surface to breath. Once you get that and you get used to taking deep breaths in and out of your mouth, then you can enjoy the world around you.

We fed tons of beautiful but pesky fish and Peter dragged us along on a tour of the reef. We saw starfish,
blowfish, parrotfish, a HUGE sea cucumber, a ton of sea urchins which kinda freaked me out a bit and some giant clams. In a word, it was WONDERFUL!

Maybe not for V so much, who later said she kept thinking, "I can see all this on TV where I'm safe on my couch." although I think she really liked it, but it was definitely a dream come true for me!

Egg drop madness again!

About a year ago, I posted about our camp project, egg drop madness.

The project goal: protect your egg, aka: what I tell the kids " your baby, don't let your baby break" (Sometimes they crack the egg before it even gets up in the air)

Protect the egg from what? gravity. We dropped the eggs from three stories high to their possible doom.

How to protect the eggs? designated materials.

Really when we started this project, no one really knew what they were doing. We were kind of like ostriches trying to teach chickens how to fly.

To begin with, we split the students into groups of four or five. We gave them designated materials. Originally we weren't set on what the materials should be so we began with ziplock bags. Turns out, ziplock bags don't make awesome parachutes. So the next time you are jumping out of a plane for skydiving, right before you make the plunge, you should double check that your parachute isn't a flimsy ziplock bag.

After multiple bullet-like eggs, screaming obscenities at the stupidness of their instructors on their way down to their inevitable doom, smashed into what can only be referred to as scramble smithereens, we came up with a new idea; Trash bags.

Really great idea, except that we gave each group their own trash bag. It worked a little too well in fact. NO EGGS died in this experiment. Now, it isn't like I wanted my kids to fail. But who feels good after they aced a test by cheating. Not many people. Well... not many people with self respect. And basically they couldn't fail.

So we moved on to newspaper. Newspaper was really a perfect alternative. It works well when used correctly, but allows for more of a challenge.

Other materials we provided:

straw

strings

balloons (for confusion)

paper cups

tape

paper clips

Balloons can actually help but they don't cause air resistance like the kids think it will.

It was really a great class. We did a little bit of teaching and a LOT of observing the kids try and make their contraptions to protect their egg. I like the observing part. My voice especially is extremely grateful. Dropping the eggs off the roof was a blast and everyone enjoyed it regardless of whether their egg lived through the traumatic ordeal or not.

So when we were given the chance to give suggestions for this years camp at my newest school, I of course offered up the option of egg drop, but with added challenges. We offer a larger selection of goods to make their egg drop, except this time, they can only pick ten things.

The materials we use now:

paper cup

string

straw

rubber bands

tape (4-5 inches per piece)

paper plates

trash bag (cut into 8ths)

balloon

paper clips

chopsticks

I have even toyed with the idea of giving them monopoly money and making them pay for each item, making the better materials more expensive. Either way, they have to think harder about the design before making it, and they are never allowed to exchange. The best inventions are made out of resourcefulness.

Its a super class and any teachers and/or esl teachers out there, I recommend this to everyone.

Here is the video I made for the kids to see some examples of egg drops. It isn't great filming, but it does the job and is a little entertaining. Enjoy!

One word China, EFFICIENCY! Part 2

Heading back to Gwangzou:
Back through the Health check stand, up to the deceivingly fancy Immigration counter:

Officer: Passport and Boarding Pass please.

Me: Our flight leaves at 9am tomorrow in nearly 12 hours. (It's 10pm) We only have an itinerary. (hands itinerary to officer.)

Officer: No boarding pass?

Me: No, just itinerary. (points to itinerary in officer's hands)
Officer: You must have boarding pass first.
Me: Ok, where do we get it?(Officer points to a single empty check in counter across the way.)

Me:...There's no one there.

Officer: Just go wait, they come.

Me: Ok thank you.(we go and wait in line at the empty counter.

Meanwhile, other people from our flight and a few other flights start lining up in the immigration lines. Vanessa and I inform them that our officer told us we needed boarding passes first. After 5 minutes or so, most of the foreigners have formed a line at the single empty check in counter. A girl in purple then walks to where we are and asks the couple at the front of the line;

Purple girl: What are you doing?

Couple: We were told we need boarding passes first.
Purple girl: Did you go through immigration check?
Couple: No, they told us to get boarding passes first.

Purple girl: No, no. Immigration first, then board upstairs. Immigration first.

(Group sigh from all the foreigners as we disperse to get back in the immigration lines.

Purple girl walks off, talks to an Officer then walks back to the check in desk and starts typing on the computer. An officer walks over to a few foreigners and tells them to get in line at the Check in desk with Purple girl. The foreigners stutter a few buts and protests but get waved off by the officer who keeps pointing at the check in so we all start to head back over.)

Once we are back in line, we wait about 10 minutes. 4 people get their boarding passes and a very angry looking officer comes over and starts directing us all back to the immigration lines. At this point we are all getting grouchy and are feeling like a heard of cattle. We get through the lines only to be rounded up again in our little holding corner and this time have to wait for nearly an hour before receiving our passports, again with someone calling out names for the officer.

Now most of us were expecting to be lead back upstairs to our departure gates but instead we are told that we should proceed downstairs and that we can check in at the counters down there tomorrow morning. We later found out that we had been given 1 day entry visas which aren't very common in China and usually cost a bit. Regardless, we really didn't know what to do at this point but figured that being the well traveled and resourceful teachers we are, we could fend for ourselves. Check in was at 7 which gave us about 10 hours so here's what we did:

9pm: Scoped out the airport looking for a good place to rest our rumps.9:30pm: Picked a spot with some decently comfy chairs but no carpet, talked about building a fort and busted out the snacks. But decided to get some McDonalds as Pringles weren't cutting it.
11pm: After running around trying to buy something at the golden arches (they wouldn't take any type of credit card and wouldn't exchange money. Between us we had five currencies; Korean won, Thailand baht, Philippino pesos, American dollars and the little bit of Chinese yuan. We somehow managed to buy enough nuggets and fries to feed our group with about 10 dollars worth of Chinese money one guy had left over from his last trip here.

12am: A group of Philippinos that were on our flight inform us that they found out about a free hotel for people who's flights have been delayed. We debate about how sketchy this feels and whether or not it's worth the risk of being taken off to an organ farm or labor camp. The van driver keeps yelling at us, "no money, no money!" and some other things in Chinese no matter the question. A few decide the dude is just too shady but most of us decide to go and hope that there really is safety in numbers.

1:30 amish: We arrive at the hotel about 20 minutes away from the airport in what feels like the armpit of China. Huge neon lights welcome us in to what at first felt like a skanky love motel. 45 minutes later, they let us check in after making copies of our passports and itineraries and we head up to our rooms that are surprisingly comfy and clean. Truly one of the nicer hotel rooms we have stayed in in Asia and while the beds where hard as rocks, we slept well for the next 4 hours. We got a wake up knock right on time and were handed boxes of warm milk and a half loaf of white bread for breakfast. We got fast curbside drop off right on time in the morning and didn't have to pay a dime. Just goes to show things aren't always what they seem. We checked in, did the stupid immigration check one last time and headed off to our gate to meet up with the rest of our foreigner crew and crashed on the carpet in front of our gate for the next 2 hours before heading back to the amazingly clean and efficient South Korea.

It all made me wonder if this is just a symptom suffered in that part of China alone or if it was a byproduct of a more systemic lack of efficiency and critical thinking in the big red country. I'd like to believe that it was just a fluke but something tells me that in a country of over a Billion people who all need jobs, sometimes they just gotta find ways to look busy and at least pretend like they know what they're doing.
Whatever the case, it sure gave us something to write home about.

One word China, EFFICIENCY!

I've always heard that Communism is great on paper but bad in practice and to a cynic like me, that's always made perfect sense. Having never actually stepped foot in a communist country however, this has always been one of those "so they say" things that I myself have tossed out there a few times without having any first hand experience to back it up. Well after this past week, Van and I can now officially say that we've seen the effects the big red machine can have on a place and let me be the first to tell you, it ain't pretty. Just so you know, this isn't going to be some Anti Commie rant, but I think that the story I'm about to tell you serves as a shining example of how truly dumb people can get when formalities are considered more important than people's well being. At the time our experiences were frustrating and a bit nerve racking but now looking back they just seem too funny to keep to ourselves.
Arriving in Gwangzou China:
As we got off the plane and walked through the terminal toward Immigration, I noticed something rather peculiar. There were smoking rooms in the airport, which in and of itself is not so outlandish but inside the smoking rooms were stands that somewhat resembled water fountains. However unlike a water fountain that supplies you with nourishment, these stands were lighter fountains intended to help the 2000 people who die each day from smoking get there just a little quicker. Nearly 3/4 of all men in China are smokers and smoking fountains are a true sign that a country smokes too much.
A bit further down the road, distracting us from the giant body temperature gadget intended to catch all sickos coming into China, there was a nice bulletin board describing the dangers and effects of Dengue Fever with a GIANT, and rather nasty looking mosquito. A very pleasant welcome sign indeed! And just a little further was the immigration check. Now at first glance you might think that China really has it's act together here. There are a good 12 maybe more lines for you to choose from and they move relatively quick. At the desk itself there are nifty looking cameras that resemble giant Iphones that take your picture and confirm that you are the person in your passport. Then something caught my attention as we were waiting in line. A slowly growing group of people were standing around just past the immigration check with some not so happy looks on their faces. They also all happened to be western looking. Once we got up to the counter it all became clear. The pimply faced "police" officer took our passports, looked them over, looked us over, wrote something down and pointed over to the growing mass of foreigners. If any of you remember our little debacle in Chile, you will understand my reluctance to leave my passport in his possession but seeing as there were nearly 30 foreigners in the holding pin already, I figured there wasn't much point in making a fuss about it.
About half an hour later the team of immigration officers turned their stacks of passports over to one of their crew who began looking at each passport individually and trying to find the person to match the picture. Now we had a long layover ahead of us but I wasn't really looking to spend another half hour in our little corner of the airport and a few of the foreigners had connecting flights that were scheduled to leave in 15 minutes so I offered my assistance. She held them open and I read off the names and congratulated each person on their official non threat status. Then we proceeded up the stairs to the international departures where we had to stand in another line to be x-rayed again. Not sure what they thought we could have picked up in the 100 yards between our last airplane and this one but safety first I guess.

Once we got to our gate, we met up with some other English teachers heading to the same place we were and had a nice little party, ranting about the silliness of the Gwangzou security system.
One pleasant surprise, however, was the gift we were given for filling out a survey for purchasing anything within the country of China, including in the airport. Pringles and a beer constituted as enough to fill out the survey for a nifty little gift.

to be continued...

Illegal- no matter

So I know many of you are waiting to hear about our trip to the Philippines, but alas I am exhausted. We came back Sunday afternoon after traveling for 24 hours and then hopped on another bus, subway and finally a taxi in order to get home three hours later. I felt like I could hardly hold my eyes open yesterday. Luckily, however, this week, I am doing one day programs so I didn't have to teach in zombie form. But what that does mean, is that my energies for writing posts are blinking the red light and are running on fumes. Put put put. I can do it, I can do it.... I am sure I will make it to the gas station before I am stranded on the side of the road. Of course that is what I said in the past before having to walk humiliated in the hot sun along the steaming asphalt road towards a gas station.

What am I talking about? I don't even know anymore. I started this post with the intention of sharing something exceedingly funny and now I am rambling about gas stations? Scrambled eggs. Yep, that is what my brain probably resembles right now. Enough with the digressing. Enough I say.

Story:

Our school is starting a Korean preparatory school. And by preparatory, I mean that its intentions will be to allow the children graduating this high school, not only an American high school diploma, but the ability to be accepted in any University of their choice, preferably those with esteemed reputations such as in the ivy league. It won't be run by our administration, so that in itself is a major advantage for the school. How the school will fair, however, only God knows, or maybe he is just watching things as they unfold, sitting in his cushy throne laughing at it as his evening comedy show.

The other day, as the students were being herded into the gym like a bunch of obstinate cats, we noticed fliers on the table of the entrance. They were advertisements for the new preparatory school.
Nothing too unusual about that. However, upon closer inspection of said flier, we noticed something or rather someone familiar. Kyle with two students. In the United States, there are strict copy right rules about using pictures of people without permission. In Korea, they don't really pay attention to silly laws such as copyright.

Let's take a closer look shall we?

I am positive these girls don't know they are being used in an advertisement either! And if they did, they would hide their faces in utter embarrassment as all Korean girls do. I swear, trying to take face pictures of Korean girls, you would think we were trying to inject them with some mind altering drug. They hide, scream, cover their face, anything to avoid the EVIL camera!

My handsome husband, on the cover of an advertisement of a school he will never teach at. Korea never ceases to amaze me!

Thoughts on Korean Business Culture (by Kyle) part 1

For those of you that have been following us for a while (wink to family) you may recall that a few of my posts from our time in Chile were simply reflections on some of the things that I found...interesting about Chile. The reception I got from you guys was quite good but more importantly I found it to be a very therapeutic activity. After this week, I am in desperate need of therapy. Furthermore, a certain female that I spend 98% of my time with who shall remain nameless has been pestering me to be more active on our blog. In fairness to said pest, I do always feel quite happy having posted something and in general I think you guys deserve to hear a bit more from me so without further delay here is Part One in my Non P.C. and Completely Biased Thoughts on Korea. Enjoy, I know I will ;)

Actually, I should probably preface this with a small disclaimer; I LOVE South Korea for all of it's beauty, it's quirky culture and rich past. No matter how many things I find about them that irritates the hell outa me, the people are truly amazing. They are welcoming, respectful and proud and no matter how backwards they may be doing something, they do it with vigor and know how to have a good time when the work is done. SO what follows is a series of rants but please bear in mind that it's all coming from a place of admiration and love of all the things they do right that make the crazy things stand out all the more.

On Korean Business Culture:

Of all the things for me to rant about, this one is rather unique as it seems to be the root source of some of the other things that irk me about Korea. Perhaps the reason is because Korean Business culture is not isolated to just the work place. As is true with a lot of Asian countries, socializing and more importantly drinking with your colleagues is an essential part of Korean Business life. In fact, most Korean men believe that you don't really know a person till you've gotten wasted with them. This perception is so permeating that it's rather common for potential employers to treat prospective employees to a meal just to decide if they're the right kind of drunk to hire. So this part isn't what irks me, but you can see how right from the start, things are very, very different from how we do things in the west.

Korea's Business culture and it's societal standards are very closely knit. The more important you are in your business, the more important you are socially. Not that different from the west in that regard, however the way Koreans conduct themselves in the office is vastly different. It is incredibly important to show your superiors the respect they "deserve" for being older and earning more money than you and you do this by never complaining and working long hours. Essentially, what this does is it allows Korean businesses to be inefficient, repressive, and marginally successful for a generally short amount of time. The few Korean companies that have managed to do well globally are the ones that have taken a more "global" approach to their business cultures. So why am I whining? As a coordinator I get to see first hand just how dramatically the two conflicting approaches to doing business can clash. Westerners expect issues to be brought up and resolved in a very timely and efficient manor. Koreans expect things to move slowly but in a very respectful direction through the appropriate chain of command. The way this plays out is as follows;

Mon. 8:35am - Teacher Brandon: Hey Kyle, our apartment has some mold growing that's getting a little out of hand. Could you please talk with someone to get it treated?
Kyle: Sure thing. Apparently we had the same issue this time last year so I'm pretty sure they won't be surprised.
(to director Peter): Hey Peter, some of the apartments are having mold issues. Would you please ask maintenance to come out and treat it?
Director Peter: Uhhhh, mold? Like behind the couch?
Kyle: Well, mostly near the ceiling. It grows on the wood trim around the ceiling, but some of us have it on the carpet as well and on some of our clothes. I think the rooms are too humid without the AC working.
Director Peter: Ok, well...did you submit a maintenance request on the website?
Kyle: ...Ya, Teacher Brandon put one on there about a week ago and the mold just keeps growing. Could you please call Maintenance and just ask them to go take care of it today? Katherine is in the apartment most of the day and I don't think it's good for a pregnant woman to be exposed to mold for long periods of time.
Director Peter: Ok, well you should leave the windows open and have the fans going in the rooms to keep the mold from growing.
Kyle: Uhh...I um... I'm pretty sure that the reason we have the mold is because it's so humid outside and we can't keep the humidity out without AC. The apartments that don't have mold issues are the ones with de-humidifiers and the ones with working AC. But anyways, can you call maintenance to have them come kill the mold that is already in the apartments please?
Director Peter: Ok, I will call.

ONE MONTH LATER....after multiple conversations covering the same information.

Kyle: (to director Peter): Peter, any progress on the mold?
Director Peter: You still have mold?
Kyle: ....Yes Peter, we still have mold. No one has come out to treat it. Every time we wipe it off it just grows back. The rooms are just too humid and we don't know what to use to kill it.
Director Peter: Are you keeping the windows open?

And this is no exaggeration.

ONE AND 1/2 MONTHS LATER...
Kyle: (To the President of English Village) Excuse me, do you have a second? We are having a serious mold issue in a lot of the apartments. (Shows the president our mold covered jackets, bags, etc.) Would you please ask the maintenance staff to do something about it today? It's been a month and a half and no one has come to take care of it.
President: Ohhhhh... that's a very bad problem you have.
Kyle: Yes, yes it is. Would you please help us get it taken care of. We are getting very desperate and it's very unhealthy.
Presidnet: Yes, that is serious. Are you on the first floor?
Kyle: Yes we are and the AC is set too high so our apartment stays humid and warm all the time now. Will you please do something about it?
President: Yes, I think you should move into an upstairs apartment.
Kyle:.....But MANY of the apartments have mold in them. Ours is bad but other people are having problems too, even the upstairs ones.
Presidnet: Other apartments have mold too?
Kyle: Yes, here's a list of all the apartments with mold.
President: Wow, this is a serious problem!
Kyle:......yes it is.......so will you have the maintenance staff fix it please?
President: Yes of course! Did you submit a request on the website?
Kyle: .....sigh.....yes, a month and a half ago.
President: Ok, you should keep your windows open.
Kyle:..............ok, thanks. (Walks away before loosing it.)

So I think I will stop here for now, but to give you a taste of whats to come, here's a list of the topics I will be covering in our series. Please comment to let us know which one you would like me to write about next. We might even have a poll on the side. We want to know what you are interested in learning more about.

On Korean Religious Culture (which could probably be extended to all Religious Culture but I'm railing on the Koreans right now):

On Korean Weather: That which may never be understood

On Korean Dollar Jumping, Penny Pinching: The new fad for Korean Businesses

On English Villages and their Koreanization: How to take a great idea and make it mediocre.

On Good Ol' American efficiency, God bless it!: Nuf said

On the Korean Generational Divide:

On Korean Food and a little thing called Variety:

The Stunning Secret World of Underground Fashion:

On Piracy in S.K. Arrrrrr they wrong to do it?:

A tale of a cricket

I recently found a new home away from the wild outside. Mountainsides seem too rugged, the sidewalk too hazardous, but an apartment with two bedrooms is small and yet doable. I adventure outside occasionally for food, but because this apartment is as alive as a jungle in the middle of South America with mold, fruit flies, spiders and normal flies, I actually have quite a buffet inside to choose from daily. I was so excited when I stumbled upon this cricket heaven I couldn't keep myself from gloating to a couple of my other cricket friends. I was trying to keep this hidden gem a secret, but because of me and my big mouth, there are now or were a few of us. There's a reason I don' t live in Seoul. Overcrowding and no personal space is not my bag baby.

The humans are rarely home and when they are, at least in the past, they have been relatively kind, moving me from the shower before they turn the water on, or shooing me off the bed before they lay their head down to rest. Reasonable requests in my opinion. But the other night however, I don't know what happened to their normally sweet demeanor. But something, which I have yet discovered did occur, and it caused them to flip their lid and go after me and my kind.

It all started when I caught sent of a lovely cricketess. She had evidently chanced upon my humble abode a few days past, and somehow we had yet to encounter one another. I may have powerful legs, but there is no need to waste precious energy indoors away from my predators. Her name was... well.. I don't know. I called her Ms. lovely, but we never officially met. I don't know if the humans particularly didn't like my one and true cricketess or if something else offended them, but whatever occurred, they went off the deep end. And I mean that. They went absolutely bonkers. I have never seen such rage before and I am an old man, as crickets go that is.

When I caught the scent of Ms. Lovely I called out to her. The humans had just begun to lay in their bed. I, snuggled in my pile of dirty clothes in the corner of the room and sang my sweetest serenade. I rubbed my legs together with the passion of a latin lover, producing, in my humble opinion some of the greatest and most skilled chirping a male cricket has ever made. To my surprise however, she refused to reply and instead, another male replied. I am convinced that she was playing hard to get and not blowing me off as others have suggested. The male however astounded me with his bravodo. I mean seriously, coming into my house, and going after my woman, the nerve of some crickets. I continued my song reaching octaves way above his unskilled monotone legs, until the lights flashed on. Kyle, I believe is the human's name was wielding some sort of metal object, maybe a spatula. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were red and slitted. He was looking for something, but what, I have no idea. They were normally sleeping by this time, so why he began stomping around carrying a kitchen utensil, I couldn't fathom.

And then I see him, my competition hopping across the room attempting to escape Kyle and his spatula. It was his chirping, I'm sure of it. He really couldn't carry a tune poor fella. Kyle carried him out of the apartment and threw him back into the wilderness where he belongs. Good riddance, is all I could think. The lights flipped back off, and they slipped into stillness once again.

I had just begun my love ballad when the lights flashed back on. "What could it be this time?" I thought. A flash of pure beauty, and my one and only cricketess skips in front of my pile. Vanessa is chasing her with a shoe. "No!" I scream silently into the t-shirt surrounding me. "Not my darling, my sugar muffin. She is my beloved, my angel. I know I don't know her real name but I can't live without her." And bam, with that last thought, the shoe falls on my darling mysterious cricketess, smothering that shining light forever, never to be seen again. I stood, flabbergasted in my cushy home, unbelieving the events unfolding before me. One minute she was prancing by, waving her hips like a trained beauty queen and the next she has disappeared without a trace. Well, there is kind of a trace of her on the carpet, but lets not talk about such disturbing things.

After that monsterous woman Vanessa had crawled back into bed, my shock wore off, and I could do nothing but weep. My weeping inspired a new song, a tragic song of sorrow and lost love, but before I was able to finish my musical ingenious creation, the lights once again flipped on, and I felt my bundle of clothes being moved. "Two AM in the morning." I heard her mumble. If this isn't the last one, I'm gonna go crazy."

She couldn't figure out where to put me and finally settled on the second bedroom and closed both the door to her bedroom and my new one. I continued my song in solitude until the wee hours of the night, but I didn't hear from them again that evening. I am afraid my home has been ruined for me now. I haven't decided whether to leave or to make my home back in the bedroom with the bipolar couple.

Maybe I shall try singing them a song. Yes, a dedicated and specially written song to the home owners will do the trick. Tonight, I shall sing them a lullaby as they rest their heads. Whatever caused them to turn into monsters in the night will all be assuaged with this masterpiece croon, I am sure of it.

Fan death

One of our most memorable moments in Chile was a dinner we had with our friend's host family. The season was turning, and cold had set in. In Chile, there are traditional foods for each time of the year. When it is cold, people drink a lot of matte. This is a type of tea drunken using a silver straw with slits at the bottom to keep from eating the leaves.
It is widely believed however that if you step outside after drinking a hot beverage without covering your mouth your face will freeze permanently. They believed this so strongly, they literally prevented us from leaving the room for at least fifteen minutes until they could be sure that our faces wouldn't freeze from the shock. This commonly held belief was so strong, that even well educated Chileans held strongly to this superstition. Everyone knew a friend of a friend whose cousin's mother-in-law had actually had this happen to them.

We have found a similarly bizarre conviction here in South Korea. It is called Fan Death.

Here is what Wikipedia has to say.

Fan death is a putative phenomenon, generally accepted only in South Korea, in which an electric fan left running overnight in a closed room can cause the death of those inside. Fans sold in Korea are equipped with a timer switch that turns them off after a set number of minutes, which users are frequently urged to set when going to sleep with a fan on. The specifics behind belief in the myth of fan-death often offer several explanations for the precise mechanism by which the fan kills. However, as explained below, none of these beliefs stands up to logical or scientific scrutiny. Examples for possible justifications of belief in fan death are as follows: * That an electric fan creates a vortex, which sucks the oxygen from the enclosed and sealed room and creates a partial vacuum inside. This explanation violates the principle of conservation of matter, as indoor fans are not nearly powerful enough to change the air pressure by any significant amount. Additionally if the room is closed and sealed, there is no place for the oxygen to be removed to. * That an electric fan chops up all the oxygen particles in the air leaving none to breathe. * The fan uses up the oxygen in the room and creates fatal levels of carbon dioxide. * That if the fan is put directly in front of the face of the sleeping person, it will suck all the air away, preventing one from breathing. This explanation ignores both the fact that a fan attracts as much air to a given spot as it is removing from it, and the fact that most people point a fan towards themselves when using one, which causes air to move past the face but does not change the amount of air present. * That fans contribute to hypothermia, or abnormally low body temperature. As the metabolism slows down at night, one becomes more sensitive to temperature, and thus supposedly more prone to hypothermia. If the fan is left on all night in a sealed and enclosed room, believers in fan death suppose that it will lower the temperature of the room to the point that it can cause hypothermia.

The Government of Korea doesn't alleviate this erroneous fear but rather propagates it.

In summer, mainstream Korean news sources regularly report on cases of fan death. A typical example is this excerpt from the July 28, 1997, edition of The Korea Herald, an English-language newspaper:

The heat wave which has encompassed Korea for about a week, has generated various heat-related accidents and deaths. At least 10 people died from the effects of electric fans which can remove oxygen from the air and lower body temperatures...

On Friday in eastern Seoul, a 16-year-old girl died from suffocation after she fell asleep in her room with an electric fan in motion. The death toll from fan-related incidents reached 10 during the past week. Medical experts say that this type of death occurs when one is exposed to electric fan breezes for long hours in a sealed area. "Excessive exposure to such a condition lowers one's temperature and hampers blood circulation. And it eventually leads to the paralysis of heart and lungs," says a medical expert.

"To prevent such an accident, one should keep the windows open and not expose oneself directly to fan air," he advised.

It makes me wonder what strange beliefs we have.

Totally Literal

A friend of ours showed this to us recently and it is not short of drop on the floor hilarious. At least that is what Kyle and I think. Just take a minute to imagine Kyle going through one of his laughing fits. I love how he laughs. It is the most contagious laugh. It infuses joy in any room.

The premise of how this project started was that 80's music videos make no sense. They don't seem to go along with the lyrics at all. So some guy or team decided to make a video with totally literal lyrics depending on what was happening in the video and in my opinion it is a masterpiece. There are several of these out there but the best one is the "Total Eclipse of the Heart" which is an awesome song with a crazy video. Enjoy!

Engrish.com

One interesting thing about living in a foreign country is the use or misuse rather of the English language. I understand that English isn't their first language. And I also appreciate that they are at least attempting to either market or acknowledge their foreign population. Either way, I am grateful for the little English that we do encounter. However, I have started a little project of misused English. Sometimes it is as simple as an oddly constructed sentence and other times, nothing about what was written makes the least amount of sense. At the very least, it provides Kyle and me with entertainment which is much appreciated. What is so entertaining about it is that all they need to do is ask a native English speaker before mass marketing and yet either lack of resources, initiative or plain Korean pride is to blame. Honestly if someone asked me to correct their advertisement as I was shopping in the mall, I would be more than happy to oblige without asking for funds in return. The Korean language and English language not only don't share an alphabet, but our sentences constructions are entirely disparate so I can understand where the massive screw ups happen, but really, the internet is widely used here. The dictionary is free. There are plenty of free resources and yet the most ridiculous mistakes are made. But like I said, they make me laugh so it is just fine for me. Enjoy!

We bought a mop recently while riding on the subway. You would be surprised what wonderful things you can purchase on the subway. I always have cash handy. Anyways, we saw this mop and as I complained a few posts back about our continuously wet floor, I thought it might be a good investment to purchase a mop. Not only was it great for cleaning our floors but it also doubled as a highly entertaining comedy sketch! Kyle is imitating the ecstatic house wife giving the thumbs up.

The house wife is happy so it must be good!
(At the top is says "Good Housewife" and "shaping your good life")

Nanometer fibre materials
Super powerful water absorbent
Virtue, wipe off dirts effectively!
Super -powerful electrostatic function
Can absorb all granular and silky things
Environment Protection, economic
fashionable and convenient!
(who knew a mop could be fashionable and convenient at the same time?)

Save labor very much

Cleaning magician
make it dry by a lock only

Never Remember, Hide and check!
( I still don't understand what I am not supposed to remember...)

A nut class

day and day happy
We make delicious bread with pleasant mind in the clean environment
( I sure hope you make it in a clean environment but what makes it a pleasant environment? Do you give your workers Valium?)

Your heart will beat with delight from it's perfect quality.
(except that my heart did not jump or beat with delight as this was the worst tasting cheap wine I have ever tasted in my life)

I saved the best for last. This "free girl" as the Korean students refer to her is on our English Village campus. Check out her tablet. "Jury IV." And no that word is not supposed to be jury as in a court case. It is supposed to say July IV. Oopsie daisy! We mixed up our "r's" and "L's" and no one bothered to double check before printing.

(This is a website that collects misused English from all over the world if you find what we have posted funny and just can't get enough!)
http://www.engrish.com/

My least favorite thing in Korea

Korea is a hodgepodge of cultural oddities. Some aspects of Korea are wonderful. CHEAP public transportation is an excellent example. I can complain all I want that the Korean subway moves slowly and is inefficient in it's design, but I cannot complain that it costs me a total of $2 to go clear across the city. The subway in London is close to $8 one way. And we all know how I LOVE a good deal.

Another fabulous aspect of Korea is the street food. It is greasy, fattening and readily available on each and every corner of Seoul. It is one of the most commented aspects from the rare tourist visiting Korea. Street food is awesome!

However, the facet of Korean culture that I least appreciate is the bathroom. But more specifically the shower. (There is more about the Korean bathroom that we shall delve into later, but as I am choosing not to write a dissertation on every irritating feature of the Korean restroom, at least in this post, we shall stay short and to the point today) Our shower is great (when there is hot water). We've got water pressure and a wide stream, however what I find fault with in the bathroom is the lack of separation between shower and the remaining space. In most American homes the shower head is either found above the bathtub or blocked off by glass walls or ceramic tiling. It is a vital design in the bathroom that the shower is separated from the toilet or the sink. I never even knew there might be others in the world, at least those with running water, who might purposefully choose to stray from this brilliant design. However in most Korean bathrooms, the shower is the bathroom, not a separated part of the bathroom. There is no barrier to block the water from spraying the entirety of the room. Our drain for the shower is actually below the sink in the middle of the bathroom. Yes, it is strange, but more than strange, it is just plain irritating.

What are the downsides to this bizarre design you might ask?

-There is ALWAYS a wet floor. The Korean solution is bath shoes. Every bathroom, even public bathrooms such as in restaurants, provide shower shoes. The problem lies in that shower shoes get wet as well and if you walk into the bathroom in your socks or slip your socked feet into already wet shower shoes the result is sopping wet socks. Who likes their socks wet? Psychopaths, those are the only nutcases crazy enough to enjoy wet socks.

-Wet toilet- Have you ever sat on a wet toilet seat? And I mean a dripping wet toilet seat. Let's just say, it is pleasant. It's about as pleasant as falling into the toilet bowl because your husband forgot to put the seat down.

-Wet things- When there is no closed off storage space in your bathroom, you have the added pleasure of watering everything you keep in the bathroom. Your toothpaste, you moisturizer, razor you name it, it gets wet. If you don't think that your inanimate objects need watering and shade to grow then the bathroom is the wrong place for them.

What are the positive aspects?

I have yet to discover why this design would in the least be beneficial. Maybe it makes it cheaper to construct and also less work for the builders?

Maybe Koreans really like everything they own to be soaked daily. Maybe Koreans never wear socks in the house. I really can't answer why one would design such a disastrous bathroom, but I can tell you, I DON'T LIKE IT! And when I am getting back to the USA, one of the first things on my 'To Do List' is to take a hot bubble bath. Yesssiree, I miss my bathtub, and my normal shower.

But for all those folks who might be concerned about our welfare after reading this cantankerous post, please don't worry. We are actually very happy at the moment despite the tone of a few of the previous posts. We are productive members in society. We are together. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is lying next to me. Life is good, despite an ill-designed bathroom.

Teaching in my house shoes

Last Friday I noticed that I wasn't on the schedule. As we sat in our afternoon meeting, I asked, "So does this mean that I'm not teaching next week?" hopeful.

"Your teaching in the preschool" said the person leading the discussion as if it was something I should already know. There is a high chance that it was someone's job to tell me this before Friday, but as no one here knows who is in charge of what, or how to communicate (not how to speak English but how to communicate) I wasn't told until the ninth hour.

"What!" I said through the chuckling of the other teachers around me, "great. Thanks a lot."

Monday morning I arrived wearing normal shoes, but in the pre-school outdoor shoes are not allowed. Many of the students have what are called in-door shoes, but mostly they just look like house shoes. So that is what I brought and have consequently been teaching in all week. And I just have to say that I LOVE IT! I love being in my house shoes all day. Now if only I could wear my pajama pants and teach while vegging out on the couch eating pizza and chocolate, my life would be perfect. First step: house shoes, and we will work on the next steps later on.

As for where I will be next week in the preschool or teaching juniors, or if I will have the opportunity to teach in my house shoes once again, only God knows .... actually.. I take that back. I think God is probably even confused by this place. He is probably chuckling to himself right now, "Oh you silly pastors who can't run a school and believe that lying to your employees is the right thing to do, I find you amusing. Its better than watching a sitcom."

Seriously I don't think anyone knows, as it is common practice not to know anything. Maybe it how they decide to pay their employees. Whoever knows the least and, the person who doesn't believe in communication gets paid the most.

Just yesterday I was told I am supposed to work Saturday evening from 7-9 pm. "I'm sorry, I have plans. You have to tell me beforehand." was my response to the scheduler who was surprised I didn't know.

"But I posted it on the website." she replied

Let's go through where it was posted. On the website that no one checks, under announcements are many dates. If you click on a date, it takes you to another page with a link, if you click on the link, it shows you a cryptic schedule that might require a professional codebreaker to understand.

"Where on here does it show me working overtime?" I ask when she shows me where it was posted.

She points to a place next to my name where there is a number one.

We spent quite a long time arguing why we couldn't get a verbal announcement. I arguing for someone verbally telling me and she arguing that it was too difficult.

One of our co-workers gave this analogy when trying to explain why we need to have several forms of communication.

"Kyle told Vanessa three years ago that he loves her. But he still has to tell her every week so that she will remember. If you want to post the schedule, at least tell us that overtime has been posted on the website." he said, wise beyond his years.

The solution: I am not working Saturday night. As for next week we shall just have to see Monday when I am told ten minutes beforehand. Working for an English Village is never boring, at least I can say that honestly. Let's just hope it doesn't send me to the crazy house where I will be allowed to teach the voices in my head while adorning my house shoes all day!