Keeping goals

So, you might have noticed the slowness on the blog lately.  In a twisted angling of perspectives the fact that you've seen me post less is a good sign.  In general, a lack of posts means that other things are taking priority, and those other things happen to be MY GOALS!  You read that correctly, I have been steadfastly working towards my goals and/or New Years resolutions.  Now, I should say, in all honesty, I'm not keeping to my goals EXACTLY, but I'm constantly working on them so I'm feeling quite proud of myself.
This year, in an effort to stay on track and manage my time more wisely, I've made charts to help document the time spent on what project.

Writing- my goal each week is to write 4,000 words (off the blog).  This takes me close to 4 and 1/2 to 5 hours.
Studying- I know, I thought I was done with studying too, but turns out, you have to study for the GRE test.  Well, actually a lot of people don't study.  Some people don't need to study, others of us need help.  And God help because I certainly will need it. My goal here is less set. I had planned on taking the GRE in June so I had put a lot of emphasis on studying, but then I read on the website that they are implementing a new test in August and that the test is half off if you take it when it just comes out.  So I decided to go ahead and wait, but then I was advised that often times there are problems with the new tests because you are basically the guinea pig group, so I'm back to... I don't know. In the mean time, I'm trying to get in a few hours of studying each week at least. Generally I'm averaging 3 or 4 hours a week.
Running- We're in the third week of training for our half marathon.  I'm a little embarrassed to admit, however, we haven't yet signed up for a half marathon that we are already training for.  We did however, sign up for a 10k with an English Village crew consisting of at least 10 teachers on April 10th that is supposed to be a beautifully scenic run around the Han river, so honestly I'm more excited about that at the moment.  We could technically run a half marathon then, but I just don't think we'll be ready.  Our training schedule is for 12 weeks, and that is only the 10th week.
We're even working in runs at lunch time.  Because we live on campus, we slip on home, lightening speed change like superman entering the phone booth, turn our NPR podcasts on full blast on our ipods, and off we go.  Listening to podcasts has revolutionized my life, and Kyle's running.  I love that I can run, and listen to world news at the same time, I feel like I'm improving not only my body but my mind as well.  And Kyle says hes less distracted by the pain when listening to podcasts. Wow, we're waving our nerd flag high in the sky right now aren't we?

There are a few areas of my life that I didn't count on to take such a hit however.  I expected that I would blog less, and that has happened.  But I didn't calculate in cooking or cleaning.  Our house happens to be the "party" house.  Not because we are the coolest people on the block, although I would like to think that were the case, but because we've got a sound system and a BIG couch.  But having people over equals more dishes and more cleaning, which we're actually doing less of.  When I'm so focused on other things, I let the house turn into wasteland, and forget about cooking. Ha! Whats that?  Just because we spent $100 on a new little oven doesn't mean it automatically gets used.  Nope. 

So that's where we've been for the past month.  Stay tuned for more exhilarating posts about the mundane day to day of kyle and Vanessa.

Writers block

Sometimes writing scares me.  When I write, I want to create a work of art.  I want to paint pictures in the minds of my readers. I want to use words like a samurai uses a sword.  I yearn for my sentences to jump off the page, do somersaults through the air with a stream of rainbow following behind it's every action like a jet stream.  My goal is for the words to be a powerful wand and work magic, set off fireworks, open locked doors, stun and move people to tears.  I want people to try and grab the sentence off the page to tuck in their pocket to remember always.

But my words don't always work for me.  They defy me rather than obey. Writing is not  something that comes naturally to me.  Words don't flow through my finger tips like they do some writers, but instead slide like uncontrolled cars on a hill of ice.  They slip wildly, unbounded and without the use of brakes they crash into the nearest lamppost.  But before they can even get out of their vehicle to review the damages, another vehicle, a truck looses control down the slippery slope.  And in this way, I write, crash, slam, crunch. Sometimes what comes out is decent, even beautiful. But so much of the time, it is dribble.  I might as well have used the saliva dribbling out of a babbling, teething baby's mouth for the good my words have done me.

And for that reason I sometimes get writers block. I sit in front of the computer glaring at it menacingly hoping that my stare alone will allow it to yield something magnificent.  But unfortunately my eyes don't type, and my computer only sits their passively unresponsive.  I've been working on a personal writing project for a few years now, but my progress has been slow.  Snail speed even.  No, a snail stuck in molasses speed is more accurate. But this year, along with studying for the GRE, taking the GRE, applying for grad schools, running a half.marathon, I also want to finish this project.  I'm actually feeling quite overwhelmed.  I feel like my list is out of control, but I guess most people feel that way. So I am making a resolution, and I'm sad to say that this resolution pains me, but I plan to blog less, for a little while at least.  Kyle says that he will try harder to blog more frequently to pick up my slack so that I can prioritize what I need to concentrate on, but he doesn't enjoy it like I do.  He doesn't have a constant need to write and express his thoughts on a public sphere.  Let's face it, hes a boy.  So the more encouragement you send his way (because that is how he is motivated) the more likely he will be to keep up the blog.  I will still be writing, but often times when I really should be prioritizing my personal writing, I choose to blog.  Blogging is simpler.  It's an outlet where I can blab nonsensically and still be heard and appreciated.  It's much less intimidating. My words don't always have to be magic.  Dribble is perfectly acceptable in the blogging world.  But I resolve to not allow my blogging be an excuse.  I have to finish what I've started and I am determined to finish it this year.

Does anyone else find writing and saying aloud your resolutions difficult?  If they are said out loud then others will know and ask about them.  I run the risk of being held accountable. Commitment is scary.  And failure is always right around the corner making faces at you in that immature way that one can't resist responding in an equally childlike fashion.

This post is not goodbye, not in the least.  It's just a "I'm keeping you in the loop, and hope you'll understand" post.  Thank you for understanding.

The Name of the Wind

"Read to me" Kyle pleaded one evening. We often read to each other before going to sleep. It is a ritual I love and hope to continue for years to come. His choice of book however, was not one that particularly interested me. A fantasy novel. One of those novels which only true geeks read. A book that you might see at a Dungeons and Dragon tournament. I might be geeky, but I draw the line somewhere, and preferably further away from those social outcast classifications than closer. But Kyle insisted, so I conceded, like I do every time he gives me those melt your heart looks. I just can't resist those eyes.

The book was called, "The Name of the Wind." by Patrick Rothfuss

And it wasn't too bad. Which was the closest I could come to say that I enjoyed a fantasy novel.

When he finished the novel, I willingly began to read the novel for myself only after days of persistent prodding by my husband.

I should clarify. I don't really hate fantasy novels. In fact, I like the idea of a new world, even a fantasy one. The prejudice I have against this genre is the style in which it is written. Generally they use a lot of bland unnecessary descriptions and one dimensional characters. BAD WRITING. But after reading this book, I have come to the conclusion that not ALL fantasy books fall under this category. Yes, I admit I was wrong! It doesn't happen often, but I admit it when it happens :)

This author writes beautifully. I aspire to string together words to make music on paper as he does. Seriously, I LOVE his writing style. And the story: captivating, riveting!

"The strings felt strange against my fingers, like reunited friends who have forgotten what they have in common. I played soft and slow, sending notes no farther than the circle of our firelight. Fingers and strings made a careful conversation, as if their dance described the lines of an infatuation.

Then I felt something inside me break and music began to pour out into the quiet. My fingers danced; intricate and quick they spun something gossamer and tremulous into the circle of light our fire had made. The music moved like a spiderweb stirred by a gentle breath, it changed like a leaf twisting as it falls to the ground, and it felt like three years Waterside in Tarbean, with a hollowness inside you and hands that ached from the bitter cold."

One day, I will write in a way that will inspire others. Maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe in ten years, but someday!

(Pick up the book if you get a chance, you wont regret it)