Update from the Hen House

First and foremost, Grandmother is miraculously on the mend. We're not in the clear just yet but the numbers are getting better day by day. Thank you all for the prayers and please keep them coming.

Now then, as Vanessa said earlier, the Sanders women have something of a reputation for being particularly...determined and...assertive. Some of those who are none the wiser might say stubborn and bossy however, I have seen first hand what happens to those men who brave those risky waters. Let's just say, nearly none are left to tell the tales. Seriously. Now consider that the past three days, I have been with 4 very determined and assertive Sanders women and one particularly feisty apple that didn't fall far from the Sanders tree. Now in all fairness, Grandmother has every right to be ordering people around, whether she's in the hospital or not and as Vanessa pointed out earlier she's on the mend and tossing out orders. She's truly an amazing woman. The other Sanders women certainly haven't failed to take the opportunity to get some things done around Grandmother's house that have been needing it for a while . Their approach to this however, has truly been an intriguing and novel approach to me.

Exhibit A; Betty Bob who is vacuuming nearly the entire house says to Sharon who is walking around doing an amazing job of supervising, "Sharon, will you move that chair out of the way?"
Sharon replies, "I'm gonna complain!"
Nancy chimes in, "What else is new!?"
And the chair gets moved.

Exhibit B; After dinner, while we are all sitting around the table discussing the day, there's a lag in the conversation and the time to clean has come. Sharon says, "No wash, no rinse, no dry!"
Betty Bob responds, "Well you can't go pretend to practice piano anymore cause there isn't one around!"
And the dishes get washed.
Sidenote; Sharon really did used to practice piano just to get out of doing chores. She admits it now, rather proudly I might add.


Now I have to say, it's been quite nice to feel useful lately. It's not often that I have 4 different tasks being "requested" of me at once and the progress being made around here really is inspiring. Furthermore, we haven't turned the TV on once and yet, I feel like I have had all the entertainment I need just listening to the bickeri....I mean conversations these Sanders women have. More than once, it's been pointed out to the nurses attending Mary Jo that she's not a complainer so asking her if she want's some Tylenol for the pain is like asking a polar bear if it wants more ice. It just won't make sense to the polar bear. Neither does it to Mary Jo. So without going into details, while her children have inherited so many of her good traits, they also differ from her in some ways. For every complaint Mary Jo chooses not to voice, her loving daughters are more than happy to pitch in 3 and toss in a few of their own! The thing about this that I find very interesting is while most groups accomplish tasks by having one person delegate and the rest following the orders, the Sanders hen house functions by having 4 delegators and one man to follow the orders! Ingenious!

Truth be told, everyone has been doing their part and we have truly been making some huge strides in getting Grandmother's house in order. If things keep going the way they've been, we will have a wonderfully clean and organized house for Grandmother to come home to. I just hope I'm still around when it's all done : \

Update on my grandmother

On our drive to Lubbock yesterday, we were told Grandmother might not make it through the day. She originally went to the hospital because she was struggling to breath and had serious loss of blood. Even with an oxygen mask, her lungs weren't getting enough oxygen. Sunday evening they put her on a ventilator and Monday morning, we weren't sure she was going to come back enough to join the land of the living. However, when we arrived Monday evening, it was reported that she was doing significantly better. She was fully conscious and aware, even responding to questions with nods or shakes of her head. (She can't speak with the tubes in her mouth) She isn't out of the woods yet, but two messages she wrote to us, made us all feel as if she were getting back to her old self. The messages were:
" You need to shampoo the carpets."

and

"The dishwasher isn't working"

And as the women in my family are commonly referred to as "Those bossy Sanders women" the fact that her bossiness is returning, is an excellent sign.

Of course your prayers are still incredibly appreciated, but we are feeling increasingly optimistic. Thank you for your continuous thoughts and prayers.

Prayers

Please keep my grandmother in your prayers. She is currently in the hospital. We don't know many details, but she is intensive care. We are driving to Lubbock tomorrow and I don't know how long we will stay. Your prayers will be most welcome. Thank you.

The Finale of "THE UTAH TRIP"

I am a terrible blogger, keeping you all in suspense for so many days, waiting on pins and needles to hear the end of our magnificent trip to Utah, but we have been oh so busy. I have been working for that non profit I was mentioning before, Music in the Schools, and Kyle has been running errands, cleaning house, doing everyones bidding, and just playing the perfect little house hubby. AND we just got back from Fredricksburg visiting some new friends. It was lovely, and oh so Christmasy, with lights and wreaths, a camp fire, and even a cool breeze to give the illusion of some type of cold weather in fall. All of the above is to make a pitiful excuse for why I have kept you waiting an unjustifiable and torturesome amount of time. I might as well have prodded under your fingernails with pins, the suspense must have been such a torture. At any rate, you can rest easy now, as the legendary story is to come to it's end.

Where were we... ah yes, I believe we were at Friday and taking a nap, a much needed and well deserved nap if I remember correctly as all naps are.

• THE BEEHIVE HOUSE! Beehive house, Brigham Young's estate. Brigham Young was one of the founders of Salt Lake City, and as Ida Mae pointed out, had a very large family, 50 wives and 56 children to be exact. His house, or mansion, what have you, is called the Beehive house because deseret, which is a name coming from the book of Mormon which was said to be translated from a language similar to ancient Egyptian supposedly means swarm of bees. The house was beautiful and had many furnishings imported from France and other far away countries. In one room, the price of the curtains was listed as $37/yrd. That is an outrageous price today- in the 1800s, that would be equivalent to royalty I would imagine. Another question we had, which wasn't answered on our tour was how this man, who was said to have been so poor that he had to borrow a pair of shoes to come to Salt Lake City in the pilgrimage gain so much wealth? Anyone know?

The wedding dress one of the daughters made for her wedding.

• Which was then followed by a riveting game of pictionary, boys against women. And of course we women showed those men folk who could draw and guess more accurately. Alright, alright, that's not the truth, in fact it might even be a blatant lie, but it was rigged I tell you. Sorcery was used, I am sure of it! :) Because everyone knows, women are better at everything.

Saturday

• Hiking in the mountain surrounding Salt Lake City was absolutely breathtaking. I love the outdoors and feeling the sense of oneness with the Earth. When much of our time is spent in suburbia with cell phones and televisions, it is easy to forget the majesty of the Earth's wonders, and many blessings.
  
  
  
• We hiked to the SUMMIT, or what we decided was our lunching destination and then decided summit as the real summit was too far.
  
• Snow, snow, what a foreign thing this white stuff on the mountain side was for us Texans. And by our behavior, one might have thought we had never seen snow before. Unfortunately the snow was hard, not soft and fluffy, so snowballs were more painful, and our shoes weren't waterproof, leaving our socks damp from our playfulness.
• And then to Park City- the famous skiing enthusiast resort town. With a population of aprox. 7,000 and is considered part of the greater Salt Lake City area, often has more tourists than permanent residence at any given time. Shopping and din din were on the menu before we headed back for a riveting game of Apples to Apples in which Leslie won hands down and Jennifer participated by spouting out random comments from her dream state on the couch.

Sunday

• Breakfast with another friend who currently resides in Salt Lake City whom I met in Italy and last saw in Korea when she was visiting a friend. Small world ain't it? Anywho, it was wonderful to see her and catch up over Salmon eggs Benedict (which wasn't so fabulous).
• Tea/coffee houses was difficult to find on a Sunday in Salt Lake, but eventually we located one, and sat down for a lovely fall afternoon chat.
• And then, it was time to say our goodbyes, which is the least fun part of vacation. I have such love in my heart for these friends and without their friendship, my life would be greatly lacking.

Our Utah trip: Part 1

Wednesday, Kyle and I woke up before our lethargic bodies were ready , and by that I mean 8:30 am, in order to get in a last run before we took the trip to Mormonville, Utah. You may know it by it's other name, Salt Lake City, however since that Lake seems to be drying up quiet quickly, they may need to change the name, and Mormonville is clever, don't you think? I mean it is better than some of the names we have in Texas: Hell, Purgatory, among others.

Wednesday:

• Flight 2pm-4pm in Utah. It was direct, no layovers, no stops, it was fantastic! And what was even better, they had FREE Wifi in both airports, which was why I was able to write about our fabulous HALLOWEEN post!
• Jennifer didn't arrive however until 10ish, and as our best friends are 80 years old and go to sleep before 9pm, they couldn't stay up to greet her. (Actually they had a valid excuse as they had to wake up at 5am to go to work, but it's more fun to call make fun of them)

Thursday

• Jennifer woke up as Leslie was leaving for work, in my opinion because she way too much energy but her excuse was the time difference from NYC to Utah; her body's time was two hours ahead, and with the extra hours in the wee morning with no one to entertain her, she went grocery shopping for Bisquick and pumpkin pie ingredients. Kyle and I woke to what sounded like someone covering the entire kitchen in aluminum foil. We were surprised to discover pancakes were generously being made by our energetic best friend.
• After making breakfast and throwing together the ingredients for vegetarian chili in the crockpot in proper Suzy homemaker style, we got ready for our day of intrigue into this little/big city. (200 thousand people live inside SLC, but 1 million live in the greater SLC area, however there are only 2 million in total in all of Utah.)

• We shopped. Well, Jen shopped, we watched. And ate at a fabulous little Greek restaurant.

Jen wasn't as enthusiastic about the billions of photo ops as I was :)

• The temple is basically the epicenter of the city, and therefore wasn't difficult to find. The visitor center was interesting, but the best part by far was Ida Mae, our 93 year old tour guide who took us to the top of the Mormon office building to view the city in all it's Mountainous glory.
• It took us 10 min to cross the room because she moved slower than molasses in January, but she was an excellent guide, and we found ourselves quoting her throughout the rest our trip. At one point when she was leading us to the elevators to go up to the observation deck we were abruptly stopped by the over protective security guard, who was then promptly scolded by this little old lady.
• 
• Adam and Eve fully clothed in Roman attire

Jesus among the stars and the planets in Heaven

• Dinner- vegetarian chili- was fantastic. And the Bisquick mix doubled as a biscuit mix which we accidentally let fall to the ground, yet still ate (five second rule people).
  
• We then gathered around the television set to watch "The Office," which was painful yet somehow satisfying to watch.

Friday

• Friday began with Leslie sleeping nearly 12 hours. She has to sleep for two now and if the Pennycook Ness baby is anything like Leslie, it will appreciate sleep.
• We then packed a lunch and headed off towards some mountains for wilderness hiking. As we didn't actually know what we were doing, we got lost several times along our route which sometimes had a clear path and sometimes didn't. Our National Geographic instincts weren't as skilled as Lewis and Clark's and when our confusing and unmarked path took us to a cutting and jagged ridge, a breeze, which some might describe as a deathly gale blew with all it's might attempting to dislodge us on our journey, and throw us to a harrowing fate among the bottom of the cliff, but I am happy to proclaim that we reigned victorious hikers and without any harm save a few blisters. And as explorers, we discovered a "living room" which is the name hiking enthusiasts have bestowed upon the very cleverly stacked pile of rocks placed in such a way to have the feel of chairs, couches and a coffee table.
• While hiking underneath the sun, it is easy to forget the cool temperature of Utah in fall. We remembered quickly however as we picnicked next to the drained lake with the geese and ducks.
• A nap was required before our visit to the...

To be continued..... (It's so exciting, I know! You are all in such anticipation, and I am keeping you from finding out what happens which is cruel torture, however, this post is getting way too long to be considered interesting so it will be in two parts, yes you must wait.)

WE are in UTAH!!

The last post was written entirely in the airport while waiting to catch our flight to Salt Lake City. What brings us to Salt Lake City you may ask? The answer is simple: We love salt and water, and when combined, it just makes an irresistible combination. ha ha ha! I crack myself up. I swear, if only everyone in the world thought my jokes were as funny as I find them, then I could be a successful comedian, and all my money problems would be solved. Too bad there are a limited amount of sophisticated or geeky (whichever you prefer) people in this world who get my untamed humor. Unfortunate for everyone else.
So the REAL reason we are here in this bowl like city, is that we are visiting Leslie, Peter, the unborn Pennycook Ness child, and Jennifer who is also flying in from NYC!

(Picking up Jen at the airport! I missed her!)

Yay! It has been so wonderful to see them all. It has been way too long. A year at least. I have visited with both their families plenty since I returned from Korea, but as they themselves live thousands of miles away from me and their families, we haven't had a chance to see each other.

Proof we are in UTAH! Where the beer only has 3-4% alcohol

Preparing for our Fiber intake!

There will be more posts with our many escapades, but this will have to do for now as we want to spend the majority of the time we have left actually visiting with friends!

The milk maid and Bessy

Thank you to everyone who wrote in their suggestions. We received some really fantastic and creative proposals. Here are a few so you can get an idea:

• birthday suits (Kyle liked this idea)
• priest and nun
• vampire/zombie
• garage sale ( my favorite) - wear a garbage bag and attach items with pricetags.
  

By Friday, we were pretty set on going as Cereal killers. No I didn't misspell cereal. The plan was to wear cereal boxes, plastic knives and fake blood. We saw someone else with this costume and thought it was so creative and it would be an easy and funny costume. We went to HEB and bought sample packs of our favorite sugar filled cereals and a plastic knife, but then we got the call: "VETO" my mom said. You see, we were going to a charity function with my mom and her friend, and as this charity event was held at a country club with hoity toity peeps, she didn't think our costumes were "appropriate."

"Ok mom," I said reluctantly, "our other idea was garage sales. We are low on funds, we have to get creative."
"Vanessa" she said exasperated, "I will pay for you to get real costumes. You are not going to wear a trash bag to a country club!"
"If you insist!" I replied excitedly

Last year, Kyle and I really wanted to go as a Cow and a cowboy. We thought it would be a really cute couple costume, however the only cow costume we found, was a one size fits all, which doesn't include bite sized adults who can fit into childrens clothing. So since Kyle falls into the one size category he was designated the grey uttered cow costume, and I, was to be the cowgirl.However, at the last minute, in a stroke of genius, our friend suggested that I go as a milk maid! Fabulous idea!! I found a beer maid costume, bought a metal jug at Michaels, along with a cow bell and a rope for good ole Bessy, and we were the perfect ranching couple. I must admit, I had a little too much fun dragging Kyle around on his leash, I mean cow rope. It also provided an extra toy on the dance floor which we used for excess spinning!

My mom planned originally to go as a Chinese woman because she had a dress she bought years ago in Chinatown in Vancouver, however the ladies at her office suggested she go as a geisha, so at that suggestion we bought an appropriate wig and HUGE eyelashes. BUT geishas are Japanese, not Chinese and she wore my Korean shoes and bag, so really she was just a nondescript Asian, and kind of convincing as well. The nun sitting next to her asked if she was actually Asian. The nun must have been blind because blond strands were sticking out beautifully!
All in all, it turned out to be a very enjoyable evening. Lots of laughs, lots of dancing and lots of silliness. Great fun!

AAAAND we had a surprise visit from some good friends we hadn't seen in ages!
YAY for the Houstons and fun surprises!!!

Very exciting email I just got!

KYLE PARKHURST ROGERS

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO DECEMBER 2009 DEGREE CANDIDATES

Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that your application to
graduate in Fall 2009 has been approved. Your graduation is contingent upon
completion of current coursework, incompletes, correspondence, and/or
outstanding transfer work, by the appropriate deadlines.

Please review the following information and report corrections
as described below:

1. You are a candidate for the following degree/major:

B S Comm St, Human Relations

2. Your diploma will be mailed to your permanent address by the Office of
the Registrar approximately 4-6 weeks after the official graduation date.

One step closer!!!- since today is Sunday and UT is not a 24/7 organization, we can't call, but we are pretty sure that this means that I, Kyle can pick up my necessary paper work next week for proof of graduation to show to potential employees! Yippie Dippie doie!

Re-living Halloweens

The clock is ticking to closer to that much awaited holiday. You know of the one, I speak. The ghoulish holiday in which for one night, we mortals can dress as creatures and brutes not of this world. But the absolute best part about Halloween is that the crazier one dresses up, the more praise he or she receives. In truth, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. It allows us to express ourselves in a way that might never be possible were it not for this blood curling tradition.

Some might call Kyle and I creative, others might refer to us as "coo coo," but either way, we LOVE dressing up, and each year we try to get as creative as possible, with as little money as possible, which makes Halloween a interesting challenge. This year, we have, as with most Halloweens, procrastinated until the last possible moment to figure out what we shall be, and we are coming up a little dry, which is where you come in, my creative friends and family. What should Kyle and I dress as this year, which would be fun, interesting and inexpensive. To give you an idea of some of the costumes we have featured in the past, I have posted pictures from previous Halloweens. Enjoy, and we would greatly appreciate your input and ideas.

This year we went as Wolverine and Rogue. You might notice that my gloves are actually dishwashing gloves, and my boots are galoshes.

This might have been our first Halloween as a couple, and at the last moment, shopping through Target, we came across some very cheap pink sheets and decided to be PINK GHOSTS. It was fun.

Halloween 2008, we went as dice. We made these out of boxes, paint and rope. Sadly those costumes got tossed.

These two pictures are of what I consider to be some of our best costumes ever. I love that we were both dressed as pumpkin costumes as children. My mom made my costume, and my fat little rolly polly arms just make the costume that much more believable.

Halloween 2006, shopping through Michaels for ideas, we decided to go as a painter and his creation. This is one of my favs as well.

I don't remember if we were Sharon and Ozzy for a Halloween event or if it was just a dress up Communication Council event that had nothing to do with Halloween. But I think we pulled it off pretty well.

I was a butterly this year, but you can't see my wings here, and Kyle was a vampire.

Italy Halloween 2005- I wore the apron we bought for Kyle's dad as my costume, and went as a naked man. Having just discovered "The Big Lebowsky" Kyle went as "THE DUDE" and carried milk in place of a white Russian.

Quick update on the Graduation Bizness

Got an email from my adviser this morning and just wanted to let you all know how things are progressing;

Hi Kyle,

Your transfer work has posted and all we are waiting on now is your In Absentia paperwork to clear (it will take a few weeks). Your graduation application will be approved once that happens. As of right now, there is nothing left for you to do.

Congratulations on the completion of your degree!

Best,
Aida

Don't go queuing the Hallelujah chorus just yet but I think a little woohoo is in order so...WOOHOO!

So close to success!

Tuesday, Kyle woke up with a fire beneath his behind. As his wife, I often times, am the party most likely to kindle flame to motivate his occasionally slow moving gigantic hobbit feet into action, however, he needed no pushing from me this particular morning. And, it was a GOOD thing; some might even say, a miracle that he called UT (University of Texas) Tuesday. Why? Because Wednesday was the deadline for submitting an application for graduation. Who Knew? Not us!

He had actually already submitted an application but because of some issues which I wont go into because honestly, it's just plain mind numbing to explain, it wasn't valid. Sooooo... the lady on the phone told him that he needed to get in his transcript from Texas State (where he took his final Spanish classes which by the way was the only thing keeping him from being a graduate) in by Wed. at 3pm. Kyle took his final test on the previous Friday and often times he didn't receive a grade for at least a week, but he called and pleaded, and low and behold, his professor graded his test within a few hours of his beseeching, and we were in the car, on our way to Texas State to pick up his transcript to take to UT in the morning as we had to meet with the adviser at 8:45 am the next morning. And if you know ANYTHING about Austin traffic, you are aware of it's lifeless movement in the morning, afternoon, also sometimes at midnight and on occasion at 4 am and well really basically at all times of day depending on the shadow of the moon on the Earth. So..., we solicited friends at the last possible moment so that we could save a tank of gas and a massive migraine whilst dealing with what might be considered equivalent to Chinese torture, Austin traffic in the morning.
Success! Texas State Transcript received!
Non success: San Antonio College Transcript not received, leaving Kyle without the adequate number of hours.
Success! he was allowed to apply for graduation.
Non success: We do not currently have a piece of paper which will pass as a prerequisite to a diploma until SAC's transcript is received.
Success! The lady on the phone told Kyle, it was basically impossible for him to get it all done before the deadline, and when he called to tell her that we were on our way, she was dumbfounded to which Kyle responded, "I know, I have been a RockSTAR!"

In short- the trip was very successful, but not as successful as we hoped. But we are far from despairing. We are hopeful, that by Monday, all should be solved! We are so very very close, I can taste it! YAY for Kyle being a ROCKSTAR!!!

Why dogs hate Halloween

Bulldog 2009 aka Kyle plays GI Joe for 2 days straight!

For those of you who didn't know, last weekend was my big airsoft event that I have been looking forward to for a very long time. It's called Bulldog and it's put on by these guys; OPLionClaws as a fundraiser for the Marines. It's also a big money maker for them I'm sure but regardless, they cut a check to the Marines for 5k at the end so they're all good in my book. Anyways, it all started after I went out to San Antonio Airsoft to hang with my new bud Julian. He's been showin me the ropes of airsoft for a while now and for the past couple months he's been getting me all hyped up for what basically amounts to the biggest airsoft event in Texas each year. It ain't cheap (180$ a head) and it ain't close (Ft. Hood Tx.) but man it was worth it! So the really cool thing about Bulldog that makes it so much better than any other airsoft game is that Ft. Hood lets us use their MOUT (Military Operations on Urban Terrain) site and it looks basically like a little Baghdad but it's HUGE! Like 10 acres.
And you have two teams fighting against eachother; The Freedom Fighters:















And the Marines/Russians:













Now again, airsoft is a little different from paintball in that the goal is not to just eliminate everyone but to complete objectives. For example, the first "evolution", (that's GI Joe lingo for game by the way) had both teams trying to unlock as many padlocks as they could find. The padlocks were in certain buildings but no one knew which ones so it was kinda like a treasure hunt...while being shot at...and shooting at others. GREAT FUN!
So at first, Julian and I were hoping that we could play with the Freedom Fighters as all of the dedicated San Antonio Airsofters were playing on the FF side. But because I registered a bit late and because the teams were ridiculously imbalanced this year, I had to go Russian so Julian switched sides. AND, one of Julian's customers/buds decided he wanted to come to! So Billy Coleman age 35ish, professional cool cat joined us to help fight for the Motherland. We had an absolute blast!
So here's a quick rundown of how it went, followed by pics from last years Bulldog just to give you an idea of what it's like. Recent pics are comin, we just don't have any yet!

Fri. 4:30pm-Van drives me out to SAAirsoft to drop me off. Julian and fam are SWAMPED with random customers. Good for business, not good for schedule.
6:30pm-Billy's drivin, J's freshly shaven and showered and rockin the shotgun seat. We hit the road, just 2 hrs. behind schedule...right on time!
10:28pm We pull in to the Ft. Hood Visitor's Center that closes at 10:30pm to get directions as none of us know where to go. We spend a good 10 minutes talking with the very nice but not so helpful MP that didn't even know there was an Airsoft event on base this weekend. A decision is made about the most likely location of our campsite and we roll out.
11:30pm We've made a full circle around Ft. Hood (no small feat mind you, nearly 60miles of driving) and we find our campsite!!!

Sat.12:45am Tents up, air mattress inflated without pump, we all pass out.
7:00am Roll out and start gearing up
8:00am Get yelled at for not being registered properly nor having guns checked properly
8:15am Get yelled at for not being in formation on time by Russian Commander Igor Doberov aka Scary Russian (really, he is Russian...but not really scary...except when he's angry) See for yourself; He's the one with the blue Barret on and the huge smile on his face. Don't let the smile fool you though, he's one tough Motherlander!













8:45am Evolution 1 begins!
12:00pm Evolution 1 ends!
1:00pm Evolution 2 begins!
2:00pm Evolution 2 ends!
4:00pm Evolution 3 begins!
5:00pm Evolution 3 ends!
7:00pm Evolution 4 begins! This one's a night game...but we didn't go to that one. Not sorry we missed it in the least. We were all dead tired and not too psyched about runnin through dark buildings without flashlights.

Sun. 9:00am THE LAST EVOLUTION BEGINS!
12:00pm Game over! YAY!
2:00pm Camp is packed, we hit the road.
3:00pm Bike racers are using our exit road so all 250 of us have to turn our caravan around, go back the way we came, then out the other exit. LAME...but funny!

Mon. 11:00am Wake up and can't move legs. Literally have to lift them with my arms to get in and out of the car for the next 4 days. I'm still feelin the pain! BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!!
So here's J last year as an FF.













And here's a few action shots, just so you get an idea of what it was like. OH, and one thing you don't really get a taste of with the pics is how LOUD it was. Some Okies were nice enough to give us some simulation grenades and simulation artillery rounds. You know how loud professional fireworks are when you're right up next to them? Same stuff, just going off in the street 20 feet away from us. LOOOOUUUUD!




















































And here's my personal fave from last year. You just never know where those sneaky little turds might be hiding! Pun intended...

Kyle's left the building

As we speak, or more appropriately, as I type, Kyle is driving his petrified self to San Marcos to take his last Spanish test, the only thing standing between Kyle and graduation. (At least for now) When he awoke this morning at 8:00 am voluntarily he was shaking in his booties, like a puppy in his first snow storm. Calm had set in, however, as he headed out the door. He was like a gladiator prepared to face the lions, braced for any trickster Spanish tense or strange idiom that plunged towards his heart. The previous two tests he has received scores of 90 and 92 so I am not worried. I am really proud of him stepping up after so much time of hiding behind his shield of lies to face his demons. It hasn't been easy, but we are finally nearing the end of the journey. The finish line which has seemed so close and yet completely unreachable for eons, is now within our fingertips, and I for one may jump out of my skin with rapture at the end of today.

We will keep you updated as we are informed of his progress.

Interview update:

The interview was at a temp agency called adeco and from my vantage point, it went well. I wore a nice little number with my hair pulled back, and felt very professional so that was better than originally anticipated considering my limited options, ahem... middle school clothes.

The only hiccup, however has been the assessment tests, principally the one having to do with EXCEL! Yes, it wasn't very many days ago, in which I wrote about how EXCEL HATES ME , ironic how quickly, this mutual animosity has created such a thorn in my side. The first 10 questions I could muck through just fine, as they were simple things such as widening columns and deleting rows, however, when it came to using any feature that dealt with calculating, taking averages or using formulas, I might as well have been my mom, as computer savvy as the mice living in our attic.

And then there was the typing assessment, which I actually haven't taken as of yet, because quite frankly, I am timorous of what the results will be. You see, I am a quick typist, however, my fingers like to jiggy. They like to get down, turn around and boogie to whatever music they hear, which may or may not be what I should be typing. Basically, what I am trying to say is, I make mistakes, lots of them, and the more mistakes I make, the more my fingers loose control do whatever they like especially when my nerves get the better of me. I can only take the test once, and it is a full five minutes. Five minutes of reading, or having a conversation, is equivalent to a New York minute, but five minutes of speed/accuracy typing testing is equivalent to a millennium. It requires, non-stop intense concentration, and I would rather just hide under a rock and pretend it is already over and done with. Suggestions?

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, Kyle takes (cross your fingers) his last Spanish Test EVER!! Pray that all of the information he has been desperately cramming into his head will not leak out until after the test! It tries to escape daily but with enough cajoling, and threats of violence with an airsoft gun, I think we can get it to stay until he takes that test.

- in other news... I have a temp job interview today. That's always exciting. At least the prospect of some income is inspiring.

Except.... that all of my work clothes I left in boxes in Korea. It should be interesting the clothes I find for this interview.... All of the clothes in my closest are from high school or before. The shirt I am currently wearing is from middle school. (I am 26, that would be too many years ago to count)

-In more news, we went to the dentist yesterday. Our teeth aren't rotting out of our head, which is always favorable.

My husband is a Goob!

It's sad but true. I married a genuine, inspector-validated goober, and there is no other word that appropriately describes Kyle, the kooky pacifist air-soft enthusiast and animal fanatic, except GOOB.

Proof and point- mega nerd!

Actually, on second thought, I take that back, according to dictionary.com the word DWEEB means a MEGA NERD. Mega-nerd- it's hilarious in itself, that the dictionary defines the word dweeb in the first place, but characterizing a person with the title as a mega-nerd is just pee in your pants, gasp for air ridonkculously uproarious!

Why you may ask, am I referring to my husband, the man I chose with my own free will to marry, in what may seem to the outsider as insulting. Well, I'll tell you, but I promise you will truly understand for yourself where the word GOOB surfaced from my elementary exiled vocabulary when you see these pictures for yourself!

Kyle has left me alone this weekend for an air-soft tournament. Its not really a tournament per say but a three day shoot 'em up fest for dudes and a very few brave ladies, who liked to play GI Joe as a kid and just never grew out of that phase. (If you don't know what air soft is, click here for an explanation) Kyle and I have been walking nearly every evening for exercise and for quality Kyle and Vanessa time. One evening, as we got ready for our walk, Kyle, to prepare for the weekend that he has been looking forward to for weeks, maybe even years, well, if we get right down to it, he has been anticipating this spectacular event before the kid was even born, put on his holster/vest/backpack and filled it with weight (water bottles, cream soda, a whisky bottle). It only took one glance. I bit my lip, but it, that word, gurgled and sputtered it's way out of ostracization -

"You are such a GOOB!" I spewed

"Your just saying that because of the cream soda" - smiled Kyle readjusting his holster thingy.

"Nope its everything" I said looking away making a useless attempt not to fall on the ground from laughter.

"Yeah, but you love it. You love that I am a goob." Kyle laughed with a knowing smile

"It's true, I love that you are a goob! You are my goob and I wouldn't have it any other way!" I admitted, grabbing at his outstretched hand!

And without further adieu: MY GOOB! Kyle Rogers, the wanna-be GI Joe!

GRRRRrrrr- hear my growl! :)

I wanted to wear the vest too! I guess I am a nerd as well. This is me, trying my hardest at being a sexy FBI agent. How am I doing?

QT was too embarrassed to watch!

Jealousy is bad

So one of the main things I am trying to work on is being present; present to what is happening now, present to my body, present to my thoughts. I am trying not to live in the past or in what I THOUGHT should have been the future. Living in the present, however, is hard, it is much harder than it seems. Living in the moment means not thinking about how I wish Kyle hadn't lied to me, or how we should have been somewhere else right now, or how I should have gone for a run yesterday. When my mind is filled up with these thoughts, the negative energy is electrifying. So electrifying in fact, that they lightening strike any positive thoughts that try to sneak their way in. Living in the present means throwing some perspective on the matter. What is currently happening is not so bad. I am typing on the computer. My fingers are pressing lightly on the black keyboards as I straighten by back so as not to have the terrible posture I typically keep. My unwashed hair is having a field day sticking straight out in its frizzy way of being in all sorts of directions. I probably look like a frazzled school librarian searching for her once again lost glasses. My stomach is beginning to indicate slight vestiges that it is craving nutrients, at least that is how I am interpreting the pains in my gut. If I look at what is, and not what should have been, life isn't the terrible I often interpret it as.

Triggered by my unwillingness to read blog posts of those whose lives seem seamless and perfectly mirthful, I began writing this blog post as an attempt at an honest look as to why I am choosing not to read certain cheerful excerpts. My first thoughts are, "if their life is so happy, I don't want to hear about it because it will just make me feel worse about myself." Why does others' happiness make me experience a plummet in self-esteem? Why can't I be satisfied with where I am and be joyous of others' good fortune? Why must I covet what I don't have? And if given the chance would I really trade my life with those whose posts I won't read or facebook statuses who are always so very blithe? The answer is NO. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love my life. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my husband, and I love our opportunities. So where does this self-opposition come from? Why shouldn't I be satisfied?

Does anyone else have these feelings? Let me be clear. I don't actually wish ill will on anyone, especially those dear ones in my life. Please don't misunderstand this post to mean something that it does not. I honestly and truly wish the best for everyone in my life. What I am struggling with is satisfaction within, and really only sometimes. But I wanted to examine this as I have been doing a lot of candid soul searching lately and pose the question to others, "Is this something that you experience as well? And where does it come from for you?"

Some quotes on envy:

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

Jealousy is the great exaggerator. ~Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller, The Conspiracy of Fiesco, 1783

And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that are not. ~William Shakespeare

Excel hates me

Have you ever spent THREE hours making phone calls, getting transfered over and over again, researching on unnavigable websites, collecting data only to delete it all on accident permanently? Yeah, I did that yesterday. I have been working on a project for that non-profit I mentioned the other day called music in the schools (which is a super great cause by the by) and I thought I could work excel. I mean, all I had to do was input a little data right? I just made an itsy bitsy mistake and wanted to erase ONE ROW. What, pray tell did I erase however? The entire SHEET. Yes, an entire page- non recoverable. My head nearly exploded at that moment. I literally grabbed a blanket and hid with my new snow leopard stuffed animal named LEA (short for Leopard, but with an "A" for a girl which I got at the mac store because the mac representative took pity on me, being too poor to purchase a new laptop and all). We huddled under the blanket away from the mean computer for probably thirty minutes, yet the nightmare was still there when we re-emerged, ERASED PERMANENTLY. Luckily, in my desperation, I found a website, a golden website, which held the answers to all life's problems. Ok, not really all life's problems, just the one I was dealing with at that moment! YAY!!! It was the light at the end of a tunnel. I only wish that all of life's little curve balls had such simple solutions, but what would be the fun of that? Thank goodness for Lea- she made the day. Man, I miss my stuffed animal days. I sometimes find myself petting this FAKE cat, as if were real and enjoyed being petted! What does that say about me? Hmmm.... I am not sure I want you to answer that...

Inspired (again)

I was having a conversation over dinner just tonight about how I had once read a speech by JK Rowling and found it one of the most inspiring speeches I had ever read. It inspired me to revisit this post which picks out some of the more inspiring parts of the speech, at least for me. And I once again was blown away at the power of her words. Many people who now follow the blog, did not follow it almost exactly one year ago (when we were in Seattle with my aunt), so I felt impelled to repost this wonderfullly inspiring speech. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have!

We have a lot of time on our hands lately so I find myself thinking about future posts more than I ever have in the past, partially out of boredom, but also because I have the time for creativity. I have the time and the energy to let my imagination and thoughts run wild. A hidden blessing in our time of frustration, one might say. Through my internet searching today, I came across a commencement speech by J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, given to the graduating class at Harvard. And by her speech I was inspired. So much so, that even after an inordinately long post that most of you probably haven't had the chance to read yet, I have decided to post another. (p.s. please read Kyle's entry before you read this one as it is really worth the read, and I not just saying that because I am the biased wife, it really is so well written and entertaining. It is not one to be missed!) I am not going to post the whole speech, but take excerpts that particularly spoke to me. However if you would like to read the entire speech, click here.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.... So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

So obviously Kyle and I have had hit road blocks in our life, but we haven't even brushed the edge of the decline that leads to rock bottom. In no way, am I comparing what we are going through to the rock bottom that she speaks of, but I think what she has to say about failure is so intriguing and true for some, but not all. I love the quote from the movie Catch Me If You Can, "Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out." For some, failure is just that, failure, and there is nothing more to say or do. Rock bottom is just another place to live or die. But for others, for the fighters, for the ones who want more and are willing to struggle failure can be the lottery ticket to success, an opportunity. I am always so inspired by stories of failures that lead to success because I want to be one of those people who takes risks and isn't afraid of failure. The line where Rowling says, "I was set free" made so much sense to me. If what you fear is failure, and you have failed, than there is no where else to go but towards success.

Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared. ...I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London. here in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. ... Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government.
... I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

This passage gave me a greater understanding of her books. While reading the Harry Potter series, I often got a sense that what she was warning against was not evil in the world, but instead, not standing up against what you know is wrong, even if you have to do it alone and at the risk of everything. Voldemort controlled with fear, paralyzing those who knew that he was wrong into doing nothing. Voldemort may have been a fictional villan, but what he stood for is unfortunatly far from fiction. Voldemort is much like the totalitarrian governments that strike fear in the hearts of many citizens of our world. Rowlings work with Amnesty International gave her a first hand look at what happens when we allow fear or totalitarrian governments to rule. Her books are beautiful stories, with imaginative creatures in a mysterious and enchanting world, but more than that, I think she wanted to send a message to all the children and adults in the world. Face your fear, don't let it control you, your dreams or what you know to be right.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridorwas this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

With so much time on my hands, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. "Who am I? Who do I want to become? How can I improve myself and improve the world?" After working at Alamo Segway, although I enjoyed myself greatly while exploring the city via segway and meeting interesting people, I have decided that in order for my heart and conscious to be whole, I need to know that I am useful, that I am helpful. I want to live life to the fullist and for me that means that I need to do something extraoridary. That doesn't mean that I have to live in poverty in an orphanage in China. Extraoridariness, if thats a real word, can be found anywhere, even in our own backyard. I don't exactly know where that leads me, but it gives me a general direction to where I am headed. (An example of working in one's own back yard, Kyle and I had a job interview yesterday with the community center here in Redmond and may have part time jobs helping middle schoolers. More on that later when we know more.) I leave you with this quote that has become my recent mantra, "Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. "
~ Cadet Maxim

You are all amazing!

I just wanted to write a quick post to thank all of you who have written and called. The flood of love and support has been overwhelmingly moving. To be honest, I did not expect it and I can't tell you how good it has made me feel to know how much we are truly loved and supported. You could have easily dismissed me from your lives, but instead you have shown what unconditional love really is, loving someone despite their faults. So here's one giant

that doesn't come close to expressing how much I appreciate having you all in my life but it will have to do for now!

My Reaction

I sat stunned into silence, only the steady increase of my heartbeat was audible above my ringing ears. The words "I've been lying to you" bounced like a crazed ping-pong ball against the floorboards, up to the ceiling, grazed the already cracked windshield and round and round the interior of our aging car. Normality and numbness was my reaction. I didn't feel anything, my skin and heart were like leather. A small voice whispered that I should be feeling some sensation at my husbands pivotal confession, but there was nothing, no anger, no shock, no sadness. It's like my body's defense to emotional trauma is to assemble a protective force field against pernicious emotional daggers, and any and all shards of malignant information is dammed out, keeping my heart safe from overload. The force field doesn't stand forever, its durability with time, usually a few hours, deteriorates, allowing fragments to penetrate slowly, rather than at the lethal speed in which it is thrown. I listened to my husband, a man I thought I knew through and through as one of the most honest people I had ever met, admit he had lied not about one thing, but about many many things, small things, important things, and trivial things. He had lied to me, not at the start of our marriage, but from the beginning of our relationship. And it wasn't one lie, but many. Lies that caused us to be on different continents for over half a year, separated and lonely for each others company. And trivial lies such as the time he didn't answer his phone for three days. When I finally spoke with him, he told me this elaborate, creative story of how he ran out of gas on the highway, and was robbed, and then had to return when the police found the stolen merchandise and then he had to go to the emergency room because he got dehydrated, when really he hadn't answered my call because he felt guilty about lying to me and couldn't face me, and then had to think of a reasonable excuse for not answering my phone calls.
"I'm not proud of it, but I will answer any questions you have. I will tell you the truth about every lie I have ever told because I am committed to having a truly open relationship with you. I want you to see the man I am being and not the man I was in the past." He said to me, holding my hands tightly, determinedly maintaining eye contact.

When the splinters finally broke my emotional force field, the pain seared my heart. I found myself unable to look at the man I promised to love and cherish till I die. Kyle broke his vows to me when he lied nearly every day of our relationship. How could a man whom I trusted so wholly with my heart have hidden this from me for so long? A man who lies to his wife surly doesn't love her, nor respect her. And what did that make me? A naive, gullible victim?

It took me a while, to wade through the torrent of emotions whirling like an unstoppable F5 tornado through my body, but I was able to grab at some of the more important ones. Who said that Kyle doesn't love me or respect me? The fact is, Kyle lied because he was afraid of the world and what they would think of him. What part of that fact implies that Kyle didn't love me? His lies had nothing to do with his respect or love of me, and solely to do with Kyle's feelings about himself and his self worth. He had lied to me because in his twisted logic, that was the only way he knew would keep me. He loved me, he showed me through his doting and affectionate actions every day. He had lied to keep himself protected from harm, but his love was true, and Kyle's being, the man I loved, was still there.

I asked questions, lots of questions. I'm still asking questions. And each day, I come to understand more and more that I'll never understand. Because he wasn't coming from a place of reason. When a druggie is looking for a fix, no matter what kind of person they might have been before the drugs, they do anything, even shameful, humiliating things to provide for their hungering addiction. And I think that in the same way drugs are poison and addicting, so is the fear that held Kyle. I am by no means defending his actions because every time I hear a new lie, I am appalled and newly jarred by this deceitful side. But I also realize that what Kyle has admitted to not only his wife but to ALL of his friends and family, the people he had lied to because he was afraid of losing their love and respect took astounding bravery. What Kyle did takes guts, more than just a little; his confession takes cajones. He is standing up and admitting to the world his faults, and taking what comes and I applaud him.

For a time, I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to feel proud of Kyle because of his past, but I realize now that I am SO proud of who he is being and what he is doing now to make up for his wrong doings. I have now come to understand that Kyle's confession of his wrongdoings are evidence that he is a man who values the worth of his integrity. By his admission, he was risking losing me, but with the prospect of having an authentic relationship with his wife, rather than an empty one based in lies and deceit. His proclamation was proof of how much he valued and respected his relationships, especially our marriage.

Each day, I can see the real Kyle glimmer just a little brighter. The shame of lying imprisons, and now that he has unlocked his chains, his brightness is glowing more and more iridescent. His presence alludes an infectiously positive attitude and any fear of mine of being ashamed has been shoved aside. His lies were never out of malice, but a protective mechanism. I believe that his lying days are over because I see the freedom the truth has given him. Kyle Rogers is an amazing person, and although what he did in the past was hurtful, it is in the past. The past is the past is the past, and that is where it should stay. All we have is the present, and we shouldn't allow our past to interfere. My pride for my husband is inundating and amazingly, despite what I might have considered illogical in the past, I find myself falling more head over heals in love with him every day. Thank you to all of you who have shown your love and support through all of this. I can't tell you how much it means to both of us. Truly we are so very blessed.



(Some people may be surprised that we are broadcasting this very personal matter on such a public forum, and I want to explain a little why. Kyle valued re-gaining his integrity more so than losing a little pride, and I felt it necessary to throw my support behind my husband and assure any interested friends and family that we remain committed to our relationship and marriage. And that although this has been difficult, we felt that being open and honest with everyone in our lives was more important and felt less shameful than keeping this matter quiet.)

Optimus Kyle (Transformers reference)

Over a year ago, our friends the Grojean’s started talking to us about this “life changing” thing they had all started doing called Landmark Education. My knee jerk reaction was immediate cynicism with a heaping tablespoon of skepticism and just a pinch of smugness. I will admit though that I was slightly taken aback at just how convinced (at the time I may have said brainwashed) they seemed to be. These were what I considered to be highly intelligent people and yet here they were trying to convince me that I of all people could benefit from a life coaching seminar. So maybe it was more like a cup of smugness than a pinch but regardless, I listened and kept blowing them off saying, “oh I know exactly what that’s all about, my Dad does that crap for a living. I grew up with that language! Nothing there for me that I don’t already know, I assure you.” Well as of Tuesday night, Vanessa and I are now Landmark Grads. Let me just give you a taste of what was there for me.

The Big Kahuna thing I got, the Mamajama thing, the real Crème de la crème (do you get how important this is?) the thing that will undoubtedly have the largest and most lasting impact on my life is the realization that for the past 20 years of my life, I have been a compulsive liar! Half of you are now going WHAT THE HELL!? And the other half of you are going, well that explains a TON! So now that it’s out in the open, let me explain to you all just what that means for me:

1. Having made that about as public as I possibly could, I have now started living a life that is NOT founded on or surrounded by lies. Do you have any idea how liberating that is for a compulsive liar?
2. I am now no longer restrained by my fears of being judged by everyone around me which is why I began lying in the first place! Do you have any idea how liberating THAT is!?
3. I am now, for the first time in my adult life, experiencing what it’s like to have every single possibility that I can imagine available to me and most importantly, I can now take actions that will turn those possibilities into reality. In the past my lies protected me from my fear of failure, disappointment or judgment but in that "protection" it kept me from taking an active role in my life and the infinite possibilities available to me. I have unshackled myself from those irrational fears, and that my friends is true freedom.

Ok now pause, go back up to the part that says “The Big Kahuna” and read that section again real quick. I just want to make sure you are all getting this. I have lied to nearly every single person in my life for the past 20 years! I’m not saying it to be like “har har fooled you all, you suckers” I’m saying it because I want all of you to understand that if you are reading this now, chances are I told you a lie and for most of you, it was probably a big one. For example, I still haven’t graduated from college. Why would I lie about that, you might ask? Because in my mind twisted in illogical and irrational fear, you, my friends and family would think lesser of me. I lied to protect myself from being lowered in your esteem, but my lies didn't fix anything, rather they imprisoned me and helped to justify my inaction. I know it isn't logical.

Now here’s the thing. I imagine that somewhere, at sometime, someone has said the words I love you and didn’t mean them. That’s not the kind of liar I was so let me make this part perfectly clear. If I ever told you I love you, I meant it, and whatever lie I may have told you, it was because I love you that I said it. That’s a little unclear I think so let me try saying that in a different way. I am not by nature a proud person. I cry in the movie theatre, I tell childish jokes and laugh at them afterwards, in short, I rarely give two farts about what anyone I DON’T KNOW AND LOVE thinks about me. If you mean something to me though, if you have impacted my life even in the slightest way, I cannot help but want you to like/approve of/care about/love me as well.

I learned when I was five years old that it’s far easier to change how people think about you with WORDS than it is with ACTIONS. And so, I started telling lies, mostly about myself to make me look better but also to avoid responsibilities. As I grew older my skill set grew and I honed my deceptive ways into a fine art. I could go on all night about this but what I really want you all to know is that I thought all that “web weaving” would ever do is keep me protected from the judgment of others. Now I know that what it truly did was keep me from having any real relationships with everyone in my life. I want you all to know how sorry I am. I am truly so, so, SO sorry. Every single one of you has a very real place in my heart, and I was too blinded by my fear of losing your respect and acceptance that I couldn’t be who I really am with you. I have only been able to have real MOMENTS with all of you and that is NOT how I want to live my life. I am committed to starting new with all of you who are willing to let me. I take full responsibility for my actions and I willingly accept the consequences because they are worth far more to me than an empty life.

If any of you haven’t quite caught on to the full ramifications of this, let me just tell you how excited I am to be able to say that for the very first time, Vanessa and I are having a real relationship together. i.e. I have come COMPLETELY clean with her! I have admitted to my wife that I have lied to her about so many things for years and SHE’S STILL WITH ME!!! That should tell you something! She is truly an amazing and extraordinary person to be able to see me for who I am being and not for what I have done. I can’t express just how honored I feel to be married to her and I don’t care how many of you just threw up a little from reading it. Oh yea, and I told my parents as well and for the first time in over 10 years I am actually looking forward to talking with them! AMAZING!

Kinda makes me wonder how things would have gone had I just kept saying “nothing there for ME.” But anyways, these past few days have been a real rollercoaster. By the way, I’m not trying to imply that Landmark Education is that magic pill that makes all of your troubles in life go away. I assure you that it’s not and that if your still looking for that magic pill, let me know when you find it please. Living life is still a challenge and that ain’t changing but there’s a big difference between living your life thinking; “ya it’s a challenge and it SUCKS!” and thinking; “it sure is a challenge and I FREAKIN LOVE that!”

SO! If any of you are willing to let me start fresh with you, please, PLEASE let me know, and by the way, I know that you guys are all wondering what the lies were and let me say that I am more than happy to come clean but for one thing, it would take 5 more pages for me to confess all of them and none of you would read it all and for another thing, it ain’t easy for a compulsive liar to separate the facts from the fiction so let’s just do it on a one to one basis. If you want to know more, give me a call. I’m actually answering my phone now! AMAZING RIGHT!?

I Love you all so much and can’t wait to start having real relationships with all of you!

P.S.

Just in case any future employers may be looking at this and thinking, “good lord, I don’t want to hire a compulsive liar to work for me!” please just ask yourself this one question; How would it feel to know that you had an employee that was not only honest with you about everything they did and didn’t do, but held THEMSELVES accountable for all of their actions? That’s what I’m doing right now, and by the way, it’s infectious.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

Welcome to the first day of fall!

How very unlike Texas to celebrate the first day of fall with "cool" weather. The drumming of steady rain filled my eardrums this morning as I rose from my slumber. Our summer has been bone-shatteringly dry and fire-roasting hot. It was so blistering hot this summer that we were two days short of beating the all time record of the hottest summer on record made in 1925. And not only that Texas, typically does not feel fall weather, does not acknowledge a change in the season until around Halloween, and even then we only receive a drop of 10-15 degrees. Texas prefers it's weather to remain sizzling torrid as it feels the need to maintain it's reputation as the kid on the block no one dares to mess with.

When I walked outside this morning amidst the cool breeze, grey sky, the nearly smiling plants and the musky scent of fresh rain, my first thought was, "Am I in a different part of the country? Did I somehow teleport to the North West. Am I actually in Seattle at this moment? Isn't Texas brown and dead with no hope of rain for another decade?" It is 3:00 pm and 68 degrees. Sixty-eight degrees! I don't know that we have gotten below 70 degrees the entire summer, even at the dead of night and here in Texas September is still summer- no matter what the equinox says.

So to celebrate this unexpected yet welcome change in our weather, we decided to make chili. Chili is the perfect meal for any "cold" rainy evening. It is currently stewing on the stove and as we LOVE food, we are finding it increasingly difficult to pass by without tasting it each and every time.

P.s. On a follow up note to the previous posts, we are on the road to recovery. We have not fully humanized from our snotty zombie states, but we are much more recognizable as human beings at this point.

Snot Monster (reminicing)

(In the spirit of sickness and in sharing past memories of Italy, I thought I would share a post I wrote on our first blog that we started to keep our family and friends up to date with our lives in Italy. In the previous post, I shared about the time when Kyle was sick in Venice, but previous to that, I had been sick. I was just beggining to stretch my writing muscles and devlop my voice. I remember being really proud of this piece, but now as I read through it, I am tempted to edit and revamp it, but as it is a relic from another time, I am holding myself back and leaving it as is and accepting it as it is. Here is that moment:)

The Snot Monster
So it has come to that time in the season where everyone is getting sick, including me! Noses become red, everyone sneezes and coughs and tissues are a hot comodity. I have become a statistic in this common pattern. My body is no longer my own but now merely a shell for snot. I am afraid there will be an uprising soon and the snot will not only hold my body hostage but will become a snot monster and try and take over the world. It could happen and if it did, Italy would be doomed. The snot monster would be a force to be reckoned with and we would need the amazing powers of a superpower to fight this evil. Maybe spiderman, batman, superman or better yet superwoman. Even the incredibles might not be able to contain this gigantic mass of yellow goo.
I am very glad I am sick now though instead of in Venice and during fall break. I have been taking it easy, moving slowly and not changing out of p.js. So far I think that my home remedy is working. But yesterday we had to go do laundry in the cold. We do have a laudry service but we were advised in the begining not to wash anything in there that you are particularly attached to because they might ruin it, so we have to hand wash and hang dry the clothes we are attached to. The problem starts to occur when you feel that your clothes aren't very clean from swishing them around in a bucket full of soap. Also, winter here is cold and wet meaning clothes will start to freeze soon instead of dry. Everytime we hang things to dry it ineveitably rains. So the point I am coming to is that I had to wash clothes in the cold while sick yesterday and it didn't make me a happy camper. Don't you agree Kyle should have done it all himself. Most of the clothes were his anyways, but I am a good girlfriend and we split the labor.
Kyle is not sick and is showing no signs of being taken over by the snot monster but only time will tell.

(Ironic isn't it, that Kyle DID get sick in Venice!)

Here's Kyle's current snot trail. Enjoy!

P.S. If you are wondering if the strange, sickly looking plant in the back is growing from the pile of tisssues, no it's not. We are trying to grow a pineapple bush. So far it's not looking so good.

We are sickies

**Waaambulence alert***

After a long emotional weekend, spent in a conference room along with 100 plus others, all of us breathing the same recycled air, our immune systems puttered and sniffled their way to the snotty helldom. My throat feels as if some long-nailed critter has been living inside, and has been meticulously clawing his way out, piercing his long nails into my soft, sensitive flesh in his attempt to escape. Kyle on the other hand has a full-blown cough, and a waterfall of snot and the worst of the worst- loss of taste. Sick crazed tastebuds is something I rarely experience, but which happens to poor Kyle nearly every time he contracts a snotty illness and it is the bane of his existence. He LOVES food, he lives for each meal. When his tastebuds desert him, the look of despondency in his face is that of abandoned child, lost without his blankey even to warm him.

It reminds me of that time in Italy...

The last semester I was in college, we decided to study abroad in Italy. Through this program we visited many cities throughout the boot shaped country, including Venice, the self-proclaimed, "most romantic city" in the world. And it would have been, had it not been for Kyle's cold. Sitting in the outdoor patio, listening to the quartet play familiar romantic ballads, while the breeze twirled our hair and tickeled our neck, Kyle sat across from me, his nose Rudolf red from constant blowing with his tongue hanging out as he struggled to breath.
"Sweetheart what would you like to eat?" I asked trying to hide my disappointment at the lack of romanticism in his zombie eyes.
"It doesn'd matter, I can'd tasde anythingd." He said followed by a sneeze, and watering eyes, not from emotion, but from his illness.
"What about texture. You can still feel texture right?" I said trying to stay positive, but actually bemoaning our bad luck that this should have been one of our most amorous evenings of our relationship but instead of my sweet boyfriend, I was stuck with a snot-filled, bass-mouthed robot and he felt miserable.
"How aboud lasgnda?" He said dejectedly.

Later in the evening, he started to feel better and even regained some of his taste back, enough at least to share a gelato with me. As with everything unpleasant (most of the time), this too will pass.
Expect more exciting posts when the lava flow from our brains has dried.

The time for life is now!

Not tomorrow... We have been waiting around for life to begin, but we are in it, life is right now, at this moment in time. Tomorrow is that grand day when life will be better, but it never arrives because the present is all we have. We are learning to live for today and realizing that our possiblities are unlimited when they are uninhibited by the past.

More to come on the source of that, but enjoy the quotes for now :)

"There would have been a time for such a word. To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

~ (MacBeth) William Shakespear

“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.”~ Stacia Tauscher

“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week” ~ Spanish proverb

Music in the Schools

San Antonio is trying to spruce up it's local spice. This is a great city, a huge city, but sometimes, there is a lack of activities especially in comparison with other cities of similar volume. Which is why there has been a lot of initiative taken recently by our city council and mayor to change that. One activity for instance was a summer long battle of the bands competition, culminating in one electrifying show downtown at Sunset Station. Well, it wasn't exactly electrifying, but it was good, and as it was only the first year, it will only get better. We learned about this event through my friend Elizabeth who was going to support a friend, Lynette Brehm, an amazing bilingual, guitar strumming, power-house voice musician who was in the competition. (Check out her website and her beautiful songs.

(a picture of one of her band members, her cellist)

While we were there, it was mentioned several times that Lynette had started a non-profit to help students and schools with their music programs. Along with budget cuts for everything else during a recession , fine arts programs are some of the most badly hit. Instruments are expensive and some students cannot afford them. Lynette realized that without help, many of these schools and students would suffer significant losses, so to aide these ailing programs, she started a community based non-profit to help called Music in the Schools. Sadly, I never took up an instrument, a mistake I hope to remedy one day, however, I was involved in fine arts as theater was my life through out middle school and high school. It was a crucial part of my enjoyment level in my childhood and adolescence and I think that schools lacking in fine arts programs are less enriching and less challenging. To learn more about Music in the Schools, and how you can contribute or get your school involved in the San Antonio wide competition, click on the website.

Is Love enough?

Napolean and Josephine divorce?

I just finished the Josephine Bonaparte trilogy, three thrilling historical fiction books based on one of the most acclaimed love stories of all time, and it ended in divorce and death?? Why must all of these LOVE stories end in tragedy.

When I finished "Gone with the Wind", the most fervent love story of all time, I threw the book across the room. I couldn't believe that I read over 1000 pages only to learn that in the end, their marriage doesn't blossom into the love that they both desired, but decayed and disenegrated painfully in heart ache and despair. However, the difference between these two stories, is that Scarlette and Rhett are fictional characters, the came from Margret Mitchell's active and twisted imagination.

Josephine and Napolean are characters in French history, they were genuine human beings, with actual feelings, and authentic heart-break. Why was love not enough? I wrote a ten page paper in college about how Scarlette and Rhett's lack of communication, and their inability to say "I'm sorry" was ultimately their demise. This story galvanized my perfervid passion of the importance of communication. But Josphine and Napolean talked, they communicated, they were spirit-friends, as she called it, but it wasn't enough. Napolean was convinced he needed an heir to uphold their empire which deteriorated quickly after their divorce. I lay in bed next to my sleep-thrashing husband (he sometimes convulses in an agitated way while sleeping, especially when he is stressed), reading devotedly as I rabidly clung to the hope that in the end, they would be reunited. Maybe they were reunited in death, but they were not by each other sides in the end. It frightens me to read these stories of passion and woe as I often relate so strongly with the characters having had a whirlwind romance all of my own. Is love enough? Will it get us through the hard times? Often, there are small fractures hidden within the foundation which spur rapid crackling and ultimate severing in the end. Communication, as I have said before is key, open, honest, and heart-felt communication. However both of these stories took place during tumultuous times, the civil war, and the French revolution, situations which were not serendipitous to a healthy relationship. Hopefully there will be no uprisings, wars nor revolutions in our future, but no how much we will it, we cannot control all situations. I pray that love will bind us and in the future when our love is acclaimed as the most romantic in history (obviously I have a vivid imagination as well, as I do not actually believe that we will also rule an empire and be remembered throughout history, but for the sake of argument) it will not end in tragedy as so many of them do, but will end with "they lived happily ever after."


Interesting facts I learned while reading these fascinating books.
1. Napolean came to power directly after the French revolution. (Maybe I didn't pay enough attention in history, but I have both of these parts of history categorized in completely different compartments in my mind.)
2. The French Revolution and the American Revolution basically occurred simultaneously.
3. Women, in order to be beautiful, slowly poisoned themselves unknowingly with lead makeup base.
4. Napoleon's family was a crazy bunch of power-hungry deviants.
5. Napoleon and his family were not French, but Corsican. Corsica is an island to the west of Italy.
6. Josephine went through menopause before she was thirty because of the deprivation she went through during The Terror while being held in a disease-infested prison.


I hope you are able to read the books. They are remarkable!

Picture crazy!!

So, a few weeks ago, I got an email from an old high school buddy requesting photos from our theater days in high school. My first thought was, "yeah right, I have no photos on the computer from high school. The digital camera was WAY too pricey at the time, which would mean hours and hours of looking up photos, scanning them in, yata yata yata."

But then...

I opened the closet under the stairs.....

I found some photos

it was really exciting...

I might of peed in my pants.. just a little

I ate a banana..

And I went kooko like a crazed monkey on cat nip

Scanning

cropping

editing

seeing stars, from looking at the computer screen for so many hours of the day

uploading to facebook

pulling my hair out

The Internet is my best friend right now- storing my treasures for all eternity

I LOVE looking through old photos and reminiscing. I had a great childhood, and high school experience, basically I have had a great life. I like to complain about the muddy quicksand that we are currently wading through and have been stuck in for what feels like FOREVER, but we really have been very blessed through everything.

So I thought since I was reminiscing so much, and I couldn't think of much else to write about, (the truth comes out) I would share some of our good ole' times...

Not too many so that you start yawning and looking at the old watcheroo, but enough so that you can see us before... from when we were... young.. I mean.. younger. We are STILL young. We are NOT OLD yet! Hey, I know, maybe I will make a series of these posts. "A look back" hmmm... "Another time, a younger time" any suggestions on the name?

This picture, I believe was our practice in an Austin Park before the State UIL one act play competition of what should have been the #1 play of Anna Karinina. It was a real honor that we made it to state at all. High school theater in Texas is incredibly competitive and to this day, I still remember some of the amazing performances we saw while there. Honestly, some of them were as good as a Broadway performance.

We really liked posing in pictures. It is a pity however that I have those ugly curlers in all of those shots.

Here is a picture of Kyle, my new handsome boyfriend, posing to be drunk at a picnic table in the same park before our competition. Isn't he so cute!! We had only been dating a few months and I was smitten.
The new boyfriend again with PUPPIES. My mom bred Bichon Frises and Maltese to help put me through college, the result being that we always had puppies running around, the downside: heaping pools of poop and pee!
This is us at the Disney Ball when we worked at Disney. I love this picture of us.
And these were my Disney roomies at Christmas. Notice the snowflakes (which were not allowed as they were considered a fire hazard) and the beautiful Christmas tree. We worked every holiday, including Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years as Disney college slaves, I mean- interns. I have to say that that Thanksgiving is at the top of my favs. We worked till the wee hours of the morning, like 2 am, and then came home to a feast potluck, with tons of friends, and amazing food! Through our sleep deprivation, we followed with making the snowflakes that you see in this photo. Complete with glitter, as no snowflake is truly fulfilled without glitter. We had lots of fun as slaves and made many lasting friendships.

Kyle just informed me that the first picture is of us in San Antonio, not Austin. Also, he has told me this many times. I just don't listen to my husband as well as I should!

p.s. the writing in blue was Kyle writing, if you couldn't tell... I do listen! But all I hear is "wa wa wa!"

Want a Ghillie Suit!? I'm Your Man!

For those of you that don't know; I, Kyle Rogers, am addicted to airsoft. What's that, you say? The most accurate description I can give you is to say that it's a bunch of guys playing army, shooting eachother with plastic bb's. Most people say, "like paintball?" Yes, It's like paintball in that you shoot people, but there are quite a few differences. For one thing, airsoft ammo looks like this:
and is made of plastic and is smaller than a pea.
Paintball ammo looks like this:

and is made of colored corn syrup and a plastic shell and is about the size of a grape.
Paintballs definitely bring on the hurt more than airsoft bb's

as you might have guessed, and it's a thousand times more messy. For those of you thinking, "but aren't little plastic bb's bad for the environment?" yes they are, but the demand for Biodegradable bb's is growing and as of yet, no birds seem interested in eating the plastic ones anyways. Even if they did, they're completely non toxic.
So why would guys want to play with guns that don't even hurt the people your shooting? Well, airsoft gameplay is more complex than paintball. Generally airsoft games consist of two teams that must accomplish objectives in an allotted amount of time. This could be anything from a "capture the flag" scenario to a "Search and Rescue" mission. Generally in paintball, it's mostly a "Team A, Kill Team B" set up. Both are fun, but Airsofters tend to be more strategic, team players where as paintballers seem to just like to shoot stuff. Airsofters do to, but we like to be more "proffessional" about it.
Another major distinction between the two is the equipment. Here are some pics, just to give you an idea of what an airsofter looks like and what a paintballer looks like.


See the difference?

Probably the biggest difference between the two is the guns themselves.

PAINTBALL

AIRSOFT
See what I mean? Now I guess someone like my wife would look at those to images and say something like, "What the hell Kyle!? There's no difference." Which is exactly what she just said to me. For those of you who are of like mind, airsoft guns are EXACT replicas of the real thing on the outside. Inside they are completely different but put a real one next to an airsoft one and the two guns will look identical. They are so realistic in fact that Military and Law Enforcement trainers use them!

So basically, paintball is all about having fun shooting, while airsoft is more about having fun playing GI Joe and shooting! Let me state for the record that I love both sports and don't mean to convey any disrespect for paintballers out there. I started off in paintball and a good part of my heart is still in it. The only problem is, I show up to a paintball game in my sniper gear and get laughed at, I show up to an airsoft game and get bowed down to. Ok I still get laughed at, but then no one can find me and I kill all ze infidels!

So here's where my addiction has taken it's new turn. Over the past few weeks, I have started doing some work for SAAirsoft at their new shop. I've pulled up tree stumps, done some work on airsoft guns and even spent Saturday at the gunshow trying to sell a few. Mark and Alma and their son Julian are fantastic people and I have had alot of fun getting to know them and learning more about this growing past time BUT, that's not really the "turn" I was talking about. So Mark and Julian mentioned to me that they have alot of kids come out wanting airsoft Sniper Rifles and this got me to thinking. When I was a kid I was obsessed with Snipers. I think it mostly came from having seen the old Tom Berringer and Billy Zane movie as a kid as well as Red Dawn, but also from a love of nature and being outdoors. One of my favorite things to do in Elementary and Jr. High was to play army with my buddies Dan and Chris. We would go out in the woods with our BDU's from the surplus store and spend hours hiding from each other or building forts. Honestly, we spent alot of time playing with GI Joes and blowing up Ken dolls. I should however make a point though that what we played with were a long shot from the cheesy neon crap the kids play with today. Our "GI Joes" were more flexible than a spider monkey and were decked out with accurately replicated gear. The Army Rangers may as well have modeled their gear off of our "toys"! As we grew older though, things evolved. We got bb guns and later paintball guns. We taught ourselves all about "stalking" and concealment and eventually became quite good at moving quietly and unnoticed through the dangerous fields of Suberbia. By 9th grade, we were playing paintball every other weekend and although I'm not sure Dan ever made one of his own, I had my very own, hand made Ghillie Suit. For those of you who don't know, that's the suit snipers wear to help them disappear. It looks like this:



and when a sniper wears one he looks like this:

That's me by the way. Can we say Where's Waldo? ;)


Anyways, after talking with Mark and Julian about the growing demand for sniper rifles, I thought it might be a good idea to make a few Airsoft Ghillie's to try to sell at their store. Now a real sniper spends alot of time crawling around on his stomach, but in airsoft, you generally have to be a bit more mobile and in Texas with our 100+ temps, a full ghillie can feel like a sauna. The perfect solution is the Stalker Poncho. It's a light version of the ghillie suit that helps break up the natural outline of the human body and allows the wearer to blend in but still be mobile.
So here's what I did:
1. Enlist the help of my "enthusiastic" wife.
2. Cut burlap till hands are nothing but blisters and play with lots of paint.
3. Watch paint dry. Super exciting....
4. Assemble ponchos so that Sniper can become one with nature. Be a tree, be a bush, be deer poop, WHATEVER!

4. Test in field. Here's me trying to be deer poop.

So anyways, I haven't made any sales yet BUT I have had quite a bit of interest and hope to get my little operation rolling as airsoft picks up more and fall starts coming back around. So that's what I've been up to lately! By the way, if you are like super jealous of my mad disappearing skills and want to be able to resemble deer poop at will, let me know! I will happily make you a good deal! And, if you want to know more about Airsoft or perhaps get your airsoft on, check out Julian's site at www.saairsoft.com Let him know I sent ya and brotha will hook you up!