Another Korean experience

This will most likely be the last post regarding the GRE exam.  What more could I summate regarding this tedious test, you might ask?  Without giving too much away... let's just say, there is more of a tale to recount than simply," I sat down, took a test, felt discouraged, and went home."  In the United States, that rendition above, most likely would have been my prosaic tale, however, I did not take the GRE in the US. No, no no .  Indeed,I took the test in Korea, the land where nothing is what it seems, and nothing, not even what would normally be an insipid event, goes as expected.

It began with the location of the building.  I realize, that my credibility in finding places, even in my own country, where I am actually a literate and educated woman is tenuous at best. However, I'd looked up the location,and had two separate Koreans look up and draw out maps for me.  I even had a Korean translated sentence asking for help to locate my elusive building. I figured that 30 minutes leeway for finding the building within walking distance of the subway would give me plenty of time.  I wasn't late, but on that sticky, humid morning,  waves of sweat poured off my brow as I searched, running in zigzags, stopping a Korean every few blocks to redirect me. Asking Koreans directions however, can be slippery as a freshly caught fish. Koreans are a nation of face-savers.  They won't tell you, most of the time, "I don't know" if that's truly the case.  Rather they will tell you a lie rather than show weakness.  However, this practice is not so great when working within a strict time limit as one could be sent in every which direction.  As I looked around desperately, I was met with a white face who assured me we were on the correct path.
Once seated in my assigned seat, I breathed a sigh of relief, the journey was over, it was time to parry with this demon of a test, armed with my mettle, my newly practiced math skills, and vocabulary.  I never dreamt, however, that the test givers would augment upon the stress already yodeled across my slim shoulders.
The confusion began innocently enough. There were no spare pencils or erasers at this testing center.  At the writing center weeks ago, each tester was provided pencils and scrap paper.  However, at the test site testing well over two hundred anxious would-be-graduate students, there were but three spare number two pencils creating difficulties at the start. I for my part had brought several pencils, however most were mechanical, which, unbeknownst to me, were forbidden.  Luckily I'd brought one normal, and another test taker spared me his extra.
The test instructions were read precipitously by a Korean man who's English was questionable, who also spoke with a distracting speech impediment.  Our ears all strained, we listened intently only catching a few words here and there.
When it was time to start in fact, his words were so unclear, half the room, including myself, did not realize that we'd started.  We'd been asking the supervisors if we were to receive scrap paper for the math section.  We'd been told we were, although I don't believe they actually understood the question, for that much asked for scrap paper never materialized.  A New Zealander's voice boomed from the back of the room, "Have we started?" When the answer turned out to be yes, huffing and puffing undulated around the room.  The GRE is a strictly timed test.  It is not to be taken lightly and every second is valuable.  We'd lost at least a minute in figuring out we'd already started.

When the next section started, it was no different.  The start was once again unclear, and according to the instructions, we were supposed to be allowed at least a minute break between the thirty minute intense sections.  We were not allowed that break.  My back ached from stress. Aggravating the situation to its consummate the already bending frustration bar, was the fact that the two men, while we took our agonizing test -that might well determine our future - choose to walk around asking for our passports and documentations.  They didn't ask for this previous to our test taking, but rather in the midst of taking our timed test.  More obscenities were hurled in their direction, including one rather intense "Your horrible, this is horrible." The frenzied energy of the room blackened. Positive vibes are desirable while taking a test, and I couldn't help but wonder what our test scores might have looked like in a brighter and well organized environment.  Hopefully I'll never know, as I hope never to take the test again.  But Korea proved, once again to take a mundane task, and stir in unwanted spices.  Korea, Oh Korea, how you baffle me!

The GRE wasn't spanked, but at least its over.

I've taken the test.  The dreaded GRE is no longer a part of my daily existence. My goal was to spank that test into Timbuktu, punch it in the face, beat it into a bloody unrecognizable pulp, but I'm afraid I didn't really give it the apposite flouting I'd imagined in my morbid head. In all, I think I studied nearly 100 hours for that test. That's right, for ONE test, and after all of that studying, my hopes, my aspirations of the day were not exactly realized.  I was hoping for ebullience following the test at my triumph from impugning and conquering the noxious GRE once and for all.  However, this wasn't the case.  The GRE is not a tortuous, highly involved probe into students minds.  In fact, its pretty straight forward, so where was the rub? Firstly there were 60 math questions in 60 minutes.  One math question in one minute. I was always good at math in school.  I almost always received A's in my courses.  On the SAT, I scored almost evenly on the verbal and math. But it's been nearly 7 years since I've taken a math class, and although I re-studied the material, I just don't work that fast.  I enjoy math, but the math section of my brain is phlegmatic and moves at inchworm pace rather than superhuman lightening speed as is required for the GRE.  The verbal section of the test however, I felt extremely confident about.  I've crammed probably 600 new words into this aging brain, as you might have noticed by the increased usage of large words in my posts.  I wish I could say that I even feel tenuously confident , but its just not true. I'm afraid to get the scores.  I'm sure my overzealous studying ameliorated my scores, however, my recalcitrant brain refused to corporate and didn't produce the results I desired I'm ashamed to admit.  At least that's my feeling and maybe my expectations were too high, too unattainable.  I didn't fail- if there is such a thing as failing the GRE, but my expectations have been lowered.  Mid July, we shall find out once and for all the truth. Until then, I wait with bated breath, and enjoy my unbridled freedom from studying for a while.

Disparaging

As I study harder for the test as the date crawls its jittery, self-important panjandrum self closer and closer, my throat and heart begins to constrict. There are moments, during my studying in which I feel confident with the knowledge and ability to counteract the machination of the test makers.  Armed with only a pencil, my mettle and brains, I'm inspirited to take on any monster, whether it be windmill or standardized test.  However, there are other moments in my studying, that are more frequently occurring than the conquering the world moments, and those are the belittling moments.  The moments in which I disparage myself; the virulent stream of insults coming from my own mind, stabs at my prowess, and enfeebles my strength. I laugh at myself in mockery, that I could have ever done well on this test, even with a thousand years to study.  I realize that this beleaguering is far from a good strategy in doing well, but its difficult to stop the critic within. I take practice tests, often feeling confident while in the process of answering the questions, but once I begin the checking the answers process, all that impudence dissipates into the humid air, or melts into a slushy on the carpeted floor.  You see, if it were a math test, I would score plenty of points for my work, because in general, I figure out how to answer the question, however, I make many stupid mistakes and end up with the wrong answer choice. And on this test, your work isn't important. Whats important is the answer.  And I can't seem to pick the correct answer to save my life.  And what makes matters worse is that I haven't been timing myself.  Instead I've been giving myself plenty to think and answer questions.  However, on the real test, I will have less than two minutes on average to answer each question.  Sometimes it takes me just two minutes to analyze the question.  Needless to say, my nerves are starting to get the better of me, and keeping them from strangling my will, is going to be a battle. I'm lucky to have Kyle and my English Village friends as support during this battle of wits. Through it all, I'm trying to stay hopeful.  Wish me luck this Saturday :)

Its coming

The GRE test is in less than a week at this point, and I am in study mode.  I have so many words, and math equations rattling around in my head, I'm afraid that one of two things might happen.  Either my head will explode from a massive influx of knowledge, or words and equations will begin to slowly leak out of my ears.  In the morning, as I'm pushing myself to a sitting position, I have begun the habit of looking around for any stray words that might have landed on the pillow in the night.  Garrulous was one of the first escapees.  It was hiding under my pillow. I've also recently recaptured nascent and avarice, who had made it all the way to the foot of the bed even, but who knows how many others have run to safer ground.  It can't be a very hospitable environment in my brain. (Must be said with a drawl accent and a doltish look) I mean its been years since I've tried to learn my brain some good learning skills.
I haven't been in school since 2005.  I'm sure there's been some brain shrinkage within those years, and the cramming that has preceded the test has been difficult for my brain to handle. If the words and equations don't all fall out before the test, there is also the option that my head will explode.  I can imagine it now.  do dodo do do--- entering the dream world-
My feet are propped up in my studying position against the wall, comfortably lounging in an upright position on our ratty couch.  I'm adorned in my studying clothing- sweatpants, and fuzzy socks. I'm reviewing the root words once again.  I close my eyes because a caustic pain behind my eyes is poignantly throbbing. I rub my eyes and continue, but the pain refuses to abate.  The room begins to blur and now the pain has evolved into a noxious ringing in my ears. Its pitch is so remarkably high, the dogs around the village begin to bark.  I place my hands on my head, and find that my skull is pulsating.  I meekly call out to Kyle.  Thankfully he hears me, and turns around to look at me sparing a second from his video game.  His face melts from one of a perfunctory smile to sheer horror.  "She's going to blow!" he bellows from his vocals, and he runs from the room.  When the explosion actually occurs, I am impervious to the pain.  My conscious has left my body and is floating above the room.  It might have even had popcorn to enjoy the fireworks. The explosion is similar to that of a volcano eruption except instead of flaming, treacherous lava, words, numbers and symbols are flooding out of my head in a wild water fountain of sparkling glitter.  Circumference of a circle=2(pie)r has been splattered on the window. Hyperbole is squeaking down the white wall.  The room is littered in a mush of words and math equations.  They were too much for my brain to handle.
do dod ddooo doo - exiting dream world

I hope neither of these occurrences actually come to be, and that somehow I take the GRE test over my knee and give it a good whopping, dominating every last question, but only time will tell.  For now, however, you will most likely see a paucity of posts, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Something's gotta give

Some of you out there might be looking at this statement and saying, "Well, yeah, I told you so." While others of  you might have no idea what I'm talking about.  If you've been following my blog, or our lives you might know by now that I have piled on quite a task load this year.  I made some quite New Year Resolutions, and then I made them public, partially in an effort to keep myself accountable, and partially to make them real goals as opposed to secret goals.  Keeping goals a secret can be useful for instance if your planning a surprise party or are planning on surprise attacking an enemy with water balloons, but when it comes to goal making, in general, telling people helps to consummate those goals into a reality.  The goals I made for myself this year were 1) study for the GRE 2) run a half marathon and 3) finish writing my personal project.  And as is typical in my family, I think it must be genitics, when one of us gets excited about something, we typically have to jump into the pool immediately.  No need bothering with nicities such as learning how to swim, or changing clothes from a sweater to a bathing suite, nope, those things just are barriers to getting to that finish line the fastest.  We get excited, what can I say.  And persistence is a blessing and a curse, depending on who you ask.  Ask my husband that question and he may answer you the later, as he sees my persistence in a different light- aka: annoying  and pestering. Regardless, that is exactly what happened this year.  I got really excited about attaining my goals, and instead of weighing them, and deciding which to begin first, I just dove right into the icy cold pond, and started swimming carrying all three behind me.  There were rocks in the way which I swam around, and blocks of ice with jagged edges, but until I came across the huge polar bear (bear with me on this metaphor, I know its kind of silly) I kept on swimming.  (On a side note, not in a million years would I dive into an icy pond, that is unless someone I loved was drowning, but even then I would probably think twice.  The cold and me, we aren't on great terms) 
What am I saying?  What I'm saying is, that while on the subway, studying the 260 page math section, and calculating how slowly I've made progress, inchworm style, I decided that it was time to let something go. The previous day, we had finished our fifth week of training for the half marathon and had just completed the 7 mile run (or what I hope is seven miles as there isn't really any way to measure the paths we run).  Considering that we run up this one particular hill with an incline made by Lucifer himself which looks like a straight 90 degree rise and I can never actually finish running up it, but have to stop and walk some of the way, it took us about an hour and thirty minutes plus a few.  Studying our schedule, and calculating the amount of time we would continue to have to devote to the training I realized that I had to prioritize and as much as it pained me, I was going to have to postpone the half marathon.  I decided that the half marathon could wait as the deadline for the GRE test was in June before it changes formats and becomes an entirely new test, one that I haven't studied for.  Previously, I discussed whether I should take the new version or the current version and it was recommended to me by advisers that the current one was a known factor while the new version would make guinea pigs of all it's takers.  Therefore the GRE test has a set deadline, where as there is a half marathon in Seoul EVERY WEEKEND, I kid you not.  If I wanted to run in a race every weekend of the year, I could find one here.  You'd never know if you weren't in the runners circle however, as I never see Koreans running, at least outside.  So there you have it, my confession. A part of me feels like a failure for putting the race off, a pansy, but the other part of me, the logical part that isn't such a bully, explains to me in a even toned voice that it was the right move for my/our future.  I'm thankful for Kyle for being so understanding. He's been fantastic at helping to support me in these endeavors (except for posting on the blog as of late) and I can't thank him enough.

P.s. ya'll might send Kyle an email or a shout out as his birthday is this coming Sunday.

Keeping goals

So, you might have noticed the slowness on the blog lately.  In a twisted angling of perspectives the fact that you've seen me post less is a good sign.  In general, a lack of posts means that other things are taking priority, and those other things happen to be MY GOALS!  You read that correctly, I have been steadfastly working towards my goals and/or New Years resolutions.  Now, I should say, in all honesty, I'm not keeping to my goals EXACTLY, but I'm constantly working on them so I'm feeling quite proud of myself.
This year, in an effort to stay on track and manage my time more wisely, I've made charts to help document the time spent on what project.

Writing- my goal each week is to write 4,000 words (off the blog).  This takes me close to 4 and 1/2 to 5 hours.
Studying- I know, I thought I was done with studying too, but turns out, you have to study for the GRE test.  Well, actually a lot of people don't study.  Some people don't need to study, others of us need help.  And God help because I certainly will need it. My goal here is less set. I had planned on taking the GRE in June so I had put a lot of emphasis on studying, but then I read on the website that they are implementing a new test in August and that the test is half off if you take it when it just comes out.  So I decided to go ahead and wait, but then I was advised that often times there are problems with the new tests because you are basically the guinea pig group, so I'm back to... I don't know. In the mean time, I'm trying to get in a few hours of studying each week at least. Generally I'm averaging 3 or 4 hours a week.
Running- We're in the third week of training for our half marathon.  I'm a little embarrassed to admit, however, we haven't yet signed up for a half marathon that we are already training for.  We did however, sign up for a 10k with an English Village crew consisting of at least 10 teachers on April 10th that is supposed to be a beautifully scenic run around the Han river, so honestly I'm more excited about that at the moment.  We could technically run a half marathon then, but I just don't think we'll be ready.  Our training schedule is for 12 weeks, and that is only the 10th week.
We're even working in runs at lunch time.  Because we live on campus, we slip on home, lightening speed change like superman entering the phone booth, turn our NPR podcasts on full blast on our ipods, and off we go.  Listening to podcasts has revolutionized my life, and Kyle's running.  I love that I can run, and listen to world news at the same time, I feel like I'm improving not only my body but my mind as well.  And Kyle says hes less distracted by the pain when listening to podcasts. Wow, we're waving our nerd flag high in the sky right now aren't we?

There are a few areas of my life that I didn't count on to take such a hit however.  I expected that I would blog less, and that has happened.  But I didn't calculate in cooking or cleaning.  Our house happens to be the "party" house.  Not because we are the coolest people on the block, although I would like to think that were the case, but because we've got a sound system and a BIG couch.  But having people over equals more dishes and more cleaning, which we're actually doing less of.  When I'm so focused on other things, I let the house turn into wasteland, and forget about cooking. Ha! Whats that?  Just because we spent $100 on a new little oven doesn't mean it automatically gets used.  Nope. 

So that's where we've been for the past month.  Stay tuned for more exhilarating posts about the mundane day to day of kyle and Vanessa.