Monday, November 10, 2008

There's a lesson here I think (by Kyle)

So after we were finished volunteering at the Wine and Food festival this past Sunday, Vanessa and I were walking to the car when I realized that I really had to go. I should have gone before we left and I even commented that to myself but really, only women think of such things before the need arises. So I had a decision to make. We were roughly equidistant between the clean, comfortable and civilized bathrooms back at the festival and the thick brushy field/treeline next to the river. I have come to realize that when it comes to such situations, my inner manliness, that is often suppressed, finds it's way out. So with a grunt of affirmation, I headed for Man's true toilet, the bush. I found a nice spot with ample cover from the other festival goers and did my business. I was wearing my cowboy boots that, for any of you that have worn a pair know, give you the superhuman ability to stomp through anything with a sense of invulnerability. I think this only comes to those of us with a y in our chromosomal makeup. So as I stomped back through the brush I saw a log in front of me and being filled with pride for having displayed my masculinity I thought, "must stomp log too." As I did three things happened seemingly all at once. The first thing, which triggered the next two was that I heard a noise that is only produced by two things in this world, a maraca and a rattlesnake. The chances of there being a mariachi lying in the grass next to the log I just stomped were pretty slim so I assumed it to be the later. The next thing that happened at seemingly the same time was that my superhuman boots allowed me to jump a superhuman distance away from snake, which looked to me to be about 18 feet long. Most rattlesnakes don't grow over 6 feet anymore but at the time I would have sworn it had tripled in size. The third thing that happened seemingly simultaneously was that, as the snake rattled, and I leaped into the air, every bit of the pride I had just felt, every ounce of my elevated masculinity disintegrated in a fraction of a second as I let out a scream that would have rivaled any twelve year old girl's. Thus, what started off as my manly moment of the week, ended in me screaming like a ninny, running from the wilderness to the safety and comfort of my Toyota Corrola. Good thing I have no shame left anyways.

9 comments:

absolute said...

LOL!!!

Jenni Jiggety said...

Bahahahahahahaha! That was great! And NOW I think I need cowboy boots!

Mrs de Miranda said...

scary!! I am SO scared of snakes!! But you were totally manly up until the scream! haha!

I love y'alls blog!!

Vanessa (or kyle I guess Im not sure who commented) This has been going on for 8 months this week. It has been a long hard road and i am sorry you had to visit my blog during the negative moments right now! I promise most of the time I am a postive person! But I will definetly add your blog to my reader! You are both so funny and your blog is too cute! Thank you so much for stopping by mine!!

Debbie said...

Hi Vanessa! Thanks for stopping by Blog Around the World. I just wanted to let you know that you are linked up. Check in daily to find out where in the world we are headed next!

Leslie said...

lol!!! This was great. I pictured every detail, and that last part had me rolling.

TattooedMinivanMom said...

A good reminder of why I never piss in the woods.

Vanessa: Are you sure it was a virus?

Thanks for visiting my blog. It's nice to meet you :)

Mariah Eva Hofstetter-King said...

Well it he did bite you, you could have just peed on the puncture would...oh wait, nevermind, that's a jellyfish =)

Ashton Sanders said...

Hahaha. Freaking Hilarious. Bravo

BPOTW said...

Hahahaha! And you know what, you're even more of a man for admitting it and telling the story. I love it.

Thanks for sharing your post on Best Posts of the Year!