Thursday, July 03, 2014

Blog Paralysis

I've determined what has kept me away. Kept me away from something that I love. Its fear. Well its a whole host of things including grad school, exhaustion, noise, new job, but mostly I blame fear. More and more, in the day and age of the internet, and smart phones, and connection with the interspaces 100% of the time, no one is anonymous. Health insurance companies deny coverage because of posts on facebook, or job applicants are thrown in the trash because of questionable pictures found lurking on the internets. We are on display all the time, and whether we like it or not our guts hanging out can have serious consequences. When I was in S. Korea, I felt I had a sense of anonymity. Blogging isn't really as much of a thing there (at least as far as I know), and I didn't suspect my bosses would be interested even if they stumbled across my blog (not the least of which because of their inability to translate my verbiage without significant effort).  But in the U.S., it is common practice to do a google search of job applicants, and because of this, I have been paralyzed. What if they found my blog? What would they think of me?  I'm here, I mean, my raw honest self is out on display for the world to see, for judgement, and criticism, but more importantly, rejection. I like me, and I hope that most of my friends and family like me too, but maybe my directness can rub people the wrong way. I am determined to get back to blogging, and I hope that I can find the courage to be honest in a way that isn't too self-incriminating. For now, I have to find the balance between being safe and being real. Thanks for listening friends.

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