Wednesday, July 23, 2014

And you know what else...

Nerves.... the ones that dance through your bloodstream causing havoc, and general symptoms resembling heroine withdrawals, they are also a culprit.  They initiate writing blockages the size of Mt. Helen. They stop the words from coming anywhere near this blog. A 15-paragraph pile-up of thoughts, feelings, unspoken fears have caused a traffic jam of epic proportions measuring back miles and miles.  It may take weeks for the appropriate authorities to clear the wreckage and alleviate the stoppage. Its those nerves that cause my heart to race once I allow myself to find the recesses of my mind that cause the twitching, asylum-like blank stares.  Those heart-racing anxiety permeated nerves, they suffocate my creative voice until its nothing but a squeak. Sometimes I don't write because I'm afraid my fearful thoughts will bubble out of me, and make loved ones concerned of my well-being. If I let all of those truths, rational or absolutely ridiculous splatter the pages of this journal. And when I say truths, I don't mean that my fears are truths, but the true thoughts, anxieties, and angst coursing throughout this body are real no matter how absurd.  I wont lie, this is a bit of a stressful time, and sometimes the unknown scares me so much I feel the need to clutch my heart and manually pump it, but I also have faith. I have faith that we are competent, talented and wont die in a gutter. I am confident in our ability to make this move work, and for us to find our own version of happiness and success. But it may take a while for the blogging to catch up as my fingers want to fidget more than they want to be a conduit of my thoughts.

P.s. Kyle says this post makes me sound depressed. Don't worry, I'm not. How can anyone be depressed with so many festivals. Seriously, Ohio has a festival for everything. I am just a worry-wort, I needed to express it. I think I come by that naturally.

1 comment:

Kelly Beevers said...

You are a gifted writer. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your authenticity is one of the many things your friends love about you. Miss you!