Friday, January 02, 2009

Reflections on 2008


I have been trying to collect my thoughts on this past year as the New Year has slithered it's way in without warning, but I find my thoughts veering in a negative direction. It isn't that it has been a terrible year, because, as my life is pretty privileged in comparison to much of the world, I feel that on a whole, I can't complain. I have never gone without a meal (unless by choice), I have a wonderful loving family, incredibly supportive friends, access to clean water, transportation, and the ability to make my life what I want. I grow to love my husband more and more everyday, and our lives are on the threshold of amazing possibilities. But it is those possibilities that frighten me, that hold my heart hostage with anxiety. My worst fear is that I will fail to meet my potential and as the years progress, along with my age, and our possibilities remain possibilities rather than realities or at least on the road to reality, my anxiety heightens. And 2008 was not a progressive year on this road towards our dreams. Instead I felt as if we were snails, sliming our way up a rugged, sharp, agrivating path, on an upwards slope, only to be thrown down on the hard concrete ground by an uncaring bystander not once but multiple times, causing our shells to crack and leaving us scratched and bruised, with less faith, and more uncertainty in our chosen path than with which we began.

However if anything has been learned by the year of the snail, it has been that perseverance is what keeps us alive, and that we should never give up the fight. There have been times when I felt that the flame within had been dampened, but throughout our adverstity with the University over and over and over again, we have never let the flame die. Life is not something that should be strolled through without passion, rather it is a gift that we should cherish, and for which we should give thanks. Struggles are a part of life and in theory we should give thanks for them as well, for without them, we wouldn't grow or blossom into what we were made to become. So I will not shudder nor hide from 2009, frightened from the many potential threats of adversity or disappointments, but rather as a new day with new and amazing possibilities there for the taking. 2009 will be a terrific year. I know this because my life is my own and whatever hardships come my way, I will survive, and I will continue to live everyday with a passion for this wonderful gift we have been given; LIFE.

5 comments:

Braja said...

Hey Vanessa...nice post...I kinda felt the same about 2008...dragged it backside around a bit, didn't it? I'm all cylinders firing for 2009 though :)

Will Rutledge said...

If I can make a suggestion... (humbly of course)
It isn't a fear of failure but of success. If you gear your mind in that direction it will make more sense to you when you start to accomplish things that you set your mind to. If you think it is fear of failure then when you meet a goal then you feel relieved that you got that over with..(a hurdle you jumped) If you overcome your fear of success when you accomplish your goal.... then you feel like you could have done it all along and it will have a avalanche effect on your positive attitude to get things done. Good luck in 09... you and Kyle both...

Mrs. S said...

This is something that I absolutely needed to hear :) Thank you!!

Love the new layout too! :)

Greg said...

I think that 2008 was a tough year for a lot of us. At least that's the impression I get from talking to friends and family. I wish you and Kyle all the best in 2009, and will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Love the new layout and picture, Happy New Year!

Mrs. S said...

hey!! i wanted to tell you i moved http://livinglifeontheroadlesstraveled.blogspot.com

i saw your message on the old one and wanted to let you know!!