Friday, January 02, 2009
Reflections on 2008
I have been trying to collect my thoughts on this past year as the New Year has slithered it's way in without warning, but I find my thoughts veering in a negative direction. It isn't that it has been a terrible year, because, as my life is pretty privileged in comparison to much of the world, I feel that on a whole, I can't complain. I have never gone without a meal (unless by choice), I have a wonderful loving family, incredibly supportive friends, access to clean water, transportation, and the ability to make my life what I want. I grow to love my husband more and more everyday, and our lives are on the threshold of amazing possibilities. But it is those possibilities that frighten me, that hold my heart hostage with anxiety. My worst fear is that I will fail to meet my potential and as the years progress, along with my age, and our possibilities remain possibilities rather than realities or at least on the road to reality, my anxiety heightens. And 2008 was not a progressive year on this road towards our dreams. Instead I felt as if we were snails, sliming our way up a rugged, sharp, agrivating path, on an upwards slope, only to be thrown down on the hard concrete ground by an uncaring bystander not once but multiple times, causing our shells to crack and leaving us scratched and bruised, with less faith, and more uncertainty in our chosen path than with which we began.
However if anything has been learned by the year of the snail, it has been that perseverance is what keeps us alive, and that we should never give up the fight. There have been times when I felt that the flame within had been dampened, but throughout our adverstity with the University over and over and over again, we have never let the flame die. Life is not something that should be strolled through without passion, rather it is a gift that we should cherish, and for which we should give thanks. Struggles are a part of life and in theory we should give thanks for them as well, for without them, we wouldn't grow or blossom into what we were made to become. So I will not shudder nor hide from 2009, frightened from the many potential threats of adversity or disappointments, but rather as a new day with new and amazing possibilities there for the taking. 2009 will be a terrific year. I know this because my life is my own and whatever hardships come my way, I will survive, and I will continue to live everyday with a passion for this wonderful gift we have been given; LIFE.