Sunday, January 18, 2009

Patience isn't my virtue

I've never considered myself to be a patient person. I am not exactly impatient, just not patient. There is a difference between impatience and not being patient, but don't ask me to describe the difference, just take my word for it.

What has felt like an eternity but in reality has only been a year and a half, my patience has been tried, tested, punched, ripped, shot at, tortured and I am proud to say only once have I threatened to go on a shooting rampage. Overall, I would say that through everything we have been through, I have shown my colors to be on the patient spectrum. No one has left my clutches with bruises, scratches or life threatening wounds. The venom that has started to form at the back of my throat has not caused any deaths. And although, occasionally I turn into the HULK, green, gigantic, and uncontrollable in my rage, the world has yet to set out to imprison me.

We have not had a choice in our patience in reality. We have often discussed the possibility of hiring a lawyer, but in the end we decided that path would not necessarily quicken the process and would probably do more harm than good. Patience has not been a choice but a virtue that has been thrust upon us. But as the clock tick tocks, the days pass, and we hear nothing from UT except to be patient, I find myself falling into a deep dark hole of despair. Being away from Kyle was easy enough as long as I had a life line, hope, something to hold on to, to look forward to. And I still have hope, but my hope which was once as luminescent as the sun now shines as bright as a single candle in a cavern. Kyle's paper work has been accepted by the University which is a huge step towards success, but nearly two weeks later, no certificate of completion has been issued regardless of the fact that the paperwork had a rush order on it from his adviser, and regardless that he has called daily to check on the progress. They told him he would have it in a week, it has been two. When I arrived in Korea we had planned for Kyle to be out here by New Years. It is now the middle of January, and his paperwork for his visa has not even begun. I have begun to wish for Valentine's Day to be his date of arrival, but every time I set a date in my head, something to grasp onto as a life line, I am left thrashing in the ocean, swallowing water by the mouthfuls. The longer this waiting game continues the more I feel like I am drowning. I am trying to find a positive ending to this post, something uplifting, but my words have been saturated and are floating further away with every wave. Soon, very soon, I will find my voice of hope again, but until then I will leave you with this as it is. Patience is a virtue, it's just not my virtue.

p.s. sorry if many of my posts lately are down. I am sure that will change soon when we hear something more from the University .


Mrs. S said...

I am sorry that you are going through this! I would not wish being seperated from you loved one on my worst enemy, it truly is heart wrenching. I am feeling the same way...the more the days pass by, the more frustrated I become. I am too hoping that by my Birthday (the 30th of this month) we'll know something...and if not then Im shooting for Valentine's Day.

Though I can't tell you a specific date, the life line I can throw to you is will end. This will not be forever. In a few weeks, you two will be reunited again. And you will have been a better person because of what you have gone through. The saying abscence makes the heart grow fonder isn't nearly powerful enough. It should be abscence makes the heart grow stronger.

Im keeping you both in my prayers always.

Belle (from Life of a...) said...

I'm with you...not many patient bones in my body at all. It takes all my energy to PRETEND to be patient at work then I come home and my poor husband bears the brunt. He's a trooper!

kenziekylanmom said...

Thanks for your posts! I found you on blogging around the world. I have 2 children that we adopted from S. Korea. I homeschool them and we are studying different countries from around the world and of course S. Korea is one of them! I enjoy showing them pics of life in Korea. Keep up the great work!

Veggie Mom said...

Unfortunately, the cogs of bureaucracy turn excruciatingly slowly. I don't want to be all Mary-Sunshiney about your sad and maddening situation, but once you are together again, you'll quickly forget all the bureaucratic jerks who kept you apart.