Saturday, April 18, 2009

Spring is here already???

I have a feeling this post is just going to me rambling about nothing in particular. I normally think long and hard about a post before I start typing. I pick a topic that I want to talk about it, and I make an outline and a rough draft in my head. I come up with cutsie metaphors or similes and deep thoughtful or provoking statements. But today when I was bumbling around in my mind, sorting through possible topics, nothing stuck out as significant. I felt like, I should write something, that there was something I wanted to say, but I couldn't figure out what it was that needed to be said and none of the lost trinkets buried in my brain were buzzing or flashing, demanding to be placed on paper or rather the internet. I couldn't settle on anything. My mind was jumping from one lily pad to the next, splashing about without settling.

You see, the problem is, it is officially spring! That means hibernation is over, and I am getting restless. There is no excuse for staying indoors and doing nothing active or productive as was my pattern in winter. The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, Korea is stunning! Today is a glorious sunny spring day, and I have nothing to do, and no one to play with. I slept in this morning till 10 am, and as is with my routine, called Kyle. It was 8 pm Saturday evening in Texas rather than Sunday morning like I was experiencing. He was out and about, having fun, living life and my voice croaked like a bull frog, so low that he had a hard time understanding what I was saying. I am hard to understand in the morning because my cold has not left me entirely. It keeps walking off stage as if the concert is over, but has returned numerous times for an encore so many times that the audience's enthusiasm in it's returns are wearied and tired. Except of course, no one claps for a cold, but you understand what I am saying, he keeps pretending to go away, and then pulling a "I tricked you!" and "I tricked you again!" stunt.

So I told Kyle to call me when he was done having fun. Now what am I supposed to do with myself? Yesterday was a fantastically fun day; shopping with friends, spending way too much money, impulse shopping (really, what was I thinking?), eating Korean food, meeting new people, cheese and wine, and a day in the new found sun!

(Example of some of my shopping impulses, the pink shoes are SOO Korean. I don't know why I bought them, but I did, and now, I guess I will have to wear them.)

I love the sun- except of course while running outside in the sun, then I want it to hibernate again so I don't overheat or dehydrate. But today, I had no plans except to call Kyle but Kyle can't talk to me when I want to talk. Plans have been foiled- what is next? I decide to read in the hammock on the balcony- in fact I finished my book "High Fidelity" an entertaining read. But now that the book is finished, once again, I am left with "What should I do with myself?"

During winter, I didn't have this problem. The outside was too cold to breech, holing up inside was a brilliant survival plan and there was no guilt involved in being entirely curled into a ball like a hedgehog with my prickles sticking up to ward against the invading cold. But now, now it is warm outside, and the guilt is seeping in. I need to be out there in the world, sporting skirts and sleeveless tops, glowering in the return of the sun, basking in the gloriesness of it all, but my partner is in a different hemisphere, and it isn't even day time there. Ugg, I am tired of the company of myself. I am pretty boring on my own. There are plenty of ways of entertaining myself, but blah blah blah, been there, done that, I am ready for something new and different. I could go out by myself, but I just don't find myself that interesting.
(We met someone with hedgehogs as pets. Really adorable)

I am almost resentful that spring came bounding in so fast. I wasn't ready for it. I spent so many months complaining about the cold, and how I was tired of hibernating, and now that it really is over, I just keep hoping that it will stay away just a little longer until I can enjoy it with Kyle and that he wont miss it. So there it is, I did figure out what I wanted to say after all. There was something bumping around in my jumbled up brain trying to get out, it just needed some sorting, some reorganizing for me to figure it out. I miss my husband. And although this is an obvious to statement, I feel the need to express it for the nth time. I hope Kyle gets here soon. Soon is my favorite word as of late. Soon Kyle will be here. Soon, I wont be dying of loneliness. Soon, Korea will be that much more enjoyable!

On the bus we saw this dude. Pizza delivery boy all dressed up like superman! How funny is that!


Chrissi said...

Beautiful flower pictures Vanessa!

Anonymous said...

Vanessa, I kind of sensed from the beginning of this post what your problem miss your hubby! And why not? You've been patient for such a long time. I don't know how you've done it. I'll say a little prayer that you'll be with him soon.

Meanwhile, keep writing and taking your great pictures. My thoughts are with you.