Friday, April 03, 2009
Today is one of those days. You know the days where there is a black cloud hovering over head, threatening a down pour at any moment. One of those days that smiling takes so much effort and energy, that it comes out looking more like a grimmace than a smile. I walked into class this morning and all of the children yelled out "Hello teacher." I just stared at them. No response came from my lips nor from my face. I couldn't even force an expression, just a blank stare. My partner teacher said, "She says hello" as I walked to the front of the classroom to set my things down.
But the worst thing about days likes these and moods like this are the difficulty of trying to climb out of it's deep, dark depths? As I was walking to my room after dinner this evening, I was trying to think of methods I have learned over the past to help one get out of a bad mood. Forcing a smile for long periods of a time has been known alter moods. Just the physical act of smiling makes one happier. Laughter of course is considered the best medicine by many, but then that requires interacting with others- a difficult task when the cloud is so thick it is hard to see through the black fog.
But then it hit me: What if I don't really want to be in a good mood? Somedays, the bad mood takes over and that is where I feel like I should stay rather than trying to cross over into the land of the happy where I don't really belong at the moment. Sometimes I feel like it is ok to just wallow in self-pity, as long as it doesn't last too long and doesn't harm too many innocent victims. Why shouldn't I allow myself these feelings once in a while. I don't have to be happy all of the time. I am human after all, and although I would like people to think that I am a perfect individual with no flaws to speak of and constantly skipping through fields of happiness filled with white bunny rabits and pink magnolias, it is natural for us as humans to have bad days and I am not ashamed to admit it. I am also not ashamed that I have no plans to reach the happyland at least until tomorrow because until then I will be swimming in the murky waters of this bad mood and taking a mud bath in it's darkness. Sleep usually is the antidote. We shall see.