Triggered by my unwillingness to read blog posts of those whose lives seem seamless and perfectly mirthful, I began writing this blog post as an attempt at an honest look as to why I am choosing not to read certain cheerful excerpts. My first thoughts are, "if their life is so happy, I don't want to hear about it because it will just make me feel worse about myself." Why does others' happiness make me experience a plummet in self-esteem? Why can't I be satisfied with where I am and be joyous of others' good fortune? Why must I covet what I don't have? And if given the chance would I really trade my life with those whose posts I won't read or facebook statuses who are always so very blithe? The answer is NO. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love my life. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my husband, and I love our opportunities. So where does this self-opposition come from? Why shouldn't I be satisfied?
Does anyone else have these feelings? Let me be clear. I don't actually wish ill will on anyone, especially those dear ones in my life. Please don't misunderstand this post to mean something that it does not. I honestly and truly wish the best for everyone in my life. What I am struggling with is satisfaction within, and really only sometimes. But I wanted to examine this as I have been doing a lot of candid soul searching lately and pose the question to others, "Is this something that you experience as well? And where does it come from for you?"
Some quotes on envy: