Sunday, May 17, 2009

I'm still alive

No, I haven't died of a broken or strained heart. And no, I am not on the verge of getting on a plane back to the US. I know I left the blog untouched for a week in a bit of a sad state. I honestly don't know what happened. I was busy... I was distracted...I didn't care...I avoided. The last answer is probably the most accurate. I didn't want to do anything that included the words "need" or "have to." I didn't work out until the very end of the week, which means I let procrastination take hold. My room looked like a tornado blew through only touching down in my tiny room followed by a mad hippo race. I shouldn't really use past tense in that last statement because I haven't actually cleaned anything up. I only threw clothes in piles so it doesn't look so devastated, it now looks more like organized chaos.

I have a lot to write about and share but I still feel so tired. Even after 9 hours of sleep. I am not sure today is going to be the productive day I was hoping for. Oh well...

But I would like to leave you with something funny rather than depressing. One of the new teachers is from Australia and he sent this article copied directly from the FAQ section on the Australian tourism website. Ozzies have a great sense of humor, and the fact that they are actually answering these silly questions on their website says alot about that sense of humor. Anyways, enjoy!


Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
Depends how much you've been drinking.

I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
What did your last slave die of?

Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not - oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is - oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
You are a British politician, right?

Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum (USA)
Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
Yes, gay nightclubs.

Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
Only at Christmas.

Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

1 comment:

Daisy said...

HAHAHAHA! I love this. Australians sure are a trip!

I can always tell when something isn't quite right in my life by the state of my room - today? Chaotic. Usually pretty organized. Ah well - it happens. Hope you get out of your funk soon. :)