A letter to my body

Dear body (specifically the digestive system),

Let me first start by saying, I am sorry, and I humbly ask your forgiveness. Forgive me for the amount of junk I have inhaled over the past week. I was wondering, however, since it is partially your fault that I ate the many treats I was tempted with, if you could possibly consider overlooking one or two of the more calorie-ific goodies. It would be great if you could consider just letting them pass through without actually extracting the fats or sugars. You could let the acids in the stomach break them down as usual but secretly inform the stomach that attempts at extracting nutrients would futile, since there probably aren't any, and to let them pass without further inspection.

One of the items you might think about for rejection is the delectable hot cocoa we had while shopping last weekend. You know the hot cocoa we rummaged the town for, drooling over the description that if you let it sit in your cup too long, it will solidify. And since we ate the moist brownie as we sipped the melted chocolate in a cup, while sitting in this shop filled with only women devouring chocolate treat after chocolate treat, you might as well take that off of the list as well. After the hot cocoa, and after dinner, we treated ourselves to that deliciously greasing pancake thingy with a name that sounds kind of like the French pronunciation of "hot dog" with cinnamon filling inside. I am sure the pancake thingy wouldn't really be too hard pretend didn't happen as well.

I only ask this of you because your trickery is what caused these delicious disasters to occur in the first place. My brain and my stomach believe feverently that in order to survive I must have these sweets and without them I would shrivel up in a corner under a light post and die of deprivation. My taste buds scream, "Yes!" as the drippings of cinnamon, chocolate or what other temptation may fall prey to my mouth, hits my lips. The only protesting that occurs from you, Mrs. body, is that of the stomach later, when it takes the fat from the foods that you demand, and distribute it in unflattering ways around my body. What's wrong with pretending I didn't drink that huge pina colada two nights ago or destroying the fat molecules in the doughnuts that were brought into the office Friday morning. Oh the injustice! I couldn't say "No". Who can say "No" to the cinnamon glazed bear asking to be eaten, or the chocolate doughnut with sprinkles when it is place directly in front of my treacherously demanding eyes? No one, I tell you, no one except a person with a heart of salt, a will of hard, cold marble or someone with their teeth wired shut! No one. Therefore, I plead with you, take pity. Take mercy on my poor, soft-hearted soul, which craves nothing but sweets all day. Do not punish my innocent body, for my misjudgement and ill-treatment. I will try harder in the future to resist the temptation of sweets (I say that with no real conviction to keep this promise... shhh don't tell) and I promise to be mindful of my body's needs rather than my taste bud's wants. I will be forever in you debt if you listen and respond as you should to my plea. Thank you.